For the love of Bob

May 2011 continued

2012-01-01T14:18:00.000-05:00

Now May 2011 according to my camera:

Harper was still sleeping with us. We had made progress but this is how we managed to get sleep somedays.

And for my first Mother's Day as a mom of two, Harper gave me our FIRST hairdryer FREE day!!!! NO hair dryer for nap or bedtime or soothing in between. It was amazing. We listened to a hair dryer for 5 months.

Me and my babies on Mother's Day morning.

Someone left the container of animal crackers out and Ethan helped himself :)

Thanks, Daddy.

Harper started to become more cuddly. A daddy and his girl.

Teething.

Lollipop and first temporary tattoo after a haircut.

Quite possibly my favorite photo of Ethan from this year. I had it printed on a 16x20 canvas. It had rained for days and when there was finally a sunny break we ran outside (still in pjs) to play.

5 Months!

Harper slept in the cosleeper for the first stretch of sleep every night and sometimes even the second stretch of sleep. After that if we tried to put her back into the cosleeper she screeched and screamed until she was next to us again.

Again, huge accomplishment with not using the hairdryer. We still used the sound machine, on highest volume of the ocean sound. It is LOUD and she prefers it that way. This baby girl has a lot of preferences. Someone laughed and said we created those preferences. While, yes, we created this little being, we discovered her preferences by trial and error. If you had a screaming baby and you were reaching your breaking point, you would try anything and everything until you found what worked to stop the crying too. Honestly, you can't say that you wouldn't do that unless you've been there through this special kind of hell.

At 5.5 months Harper rolled from back to belly during the night and woke up unhappy. She continued to roll this way in her crib but we didn't witness it until June. We found her, unhappily, on her belly every day. We let her tough it out and encouraged her during the day and she finally learned to roll from belly to back.

She started entertaining herself more and tolerated floor time for longer stretches of time.

She reached out to hold just about anything. Ethan loved it because she reached for his face and held his cheeks between both of her hands.

FINALLY napping in her crib. Some naps still took place in the swing at this point but we were making huge progress. Her first night in her crib was mid month too! Those sheets... They are Pottery Barn Kids Chamois sheets that I found new, in packaging at a consignment sale. I picked them up to have a spare sheet and now they are the only sheets she will sleep on (WITH a cozy lambskin underneath - this girl likes her bed comfy). I wish they weren't hot pink but I can't bring myself to buy another color for the full price.

Again, with the rain... another break in rain and we went hunting for puddles to jump in...

Ethan was not crazy about the mud. He preferred water puddles.

Haper was along for the ride.

I bought this onesie for Harper when I was pregnant with her.

Very overexposed but I love his facial expression here.

Harper's love for Ethan grew.

The feeling is mutual.

We spent a lot of time on blankets outside.

And playing with water.

We discovered Harper's color is yellow. She looks great in it & I loved this outfit on her.

Showing off her teeth.

We introduced a sippy cup to Harper. She picked it up and drank from it like she had been doing it her entire life. Of course the child that doesn't NEED to drink from one at this point loved it. I remember the worry over trying to get Ethan to drink breast milk from a sippy cup at daycare when he refused bottles and all food.

I went to take a shower and put Harper in her crib. Ethan opened the door and thought she needed some toys. Thank goodness none of the harder ones hit her.

May 2011

2011-12-31T21:58:00.000-05:00

So, here it is the end of 2011 and I'd like to get this blog caught up.
I feel terrible that I haven't documented Harper's infancy the way I did with Ethan. Please be sure, Harper, I am WITH you each moment, enjoying you, even if all of your milestones aren't documented here. You are growing and changing so quickly and I've never been busier or happier.
In May according to my iPhone...

Harper was still in love with her froggy.

We celebrated her Christening Day.

We played outside a lot. Ethan still insisted on wearing his cute boots with shorts, making them even cuter.

I set Harper up under this umbrella while I golfed with Ethan one morning.

I looked over moments later and she was sleeping. She didn't put herself to sleep at this point in her life EXCEPT while outside and when it was time to go inside for lunch.

Molly, a neighbor dog, stopped for a treat nearly every evening along her walk.

Harper found her feet!!

Loving Springtime at our new house and new neighborhood.

Days of grocery shopping while wearing a baby.

Eating her feet... and ahhh, that fuzzy, bleach blonde hair!!!

We visited Strausburg and the trains.

The Choo Choo Barn was a hit! We weren't sure if Ethan would be into it but he loved it.

Ethan was able to pet this little fawn!!!

Lucky, lucky boy :)

Harper's Christening Day

2011-12-31T14:09:00.000-05:00

We started off the month of May with Harper's Christening Day.

Father Snyder told a story about how the beautiful stained glass windows in our church used to hang in an orphanage. It was the same orphanage his mother lived in. He shared that he likes to think of how his mother prayed under the same windows as he does today. I'm grateful that he told that story on this day.

Everyone commented on how well Harper did during the service. It made me laugh because I wondered if they saw what I had to do to keep her content. I never stopped moving even trying to pay attention and responding during the ceremony - there I was keeping my baby in motion while sitting in the pew. Finally, Harper had enough and cried through photos. Here she is with her Godparents.

And then her froggy calmed her down.

I loved her gown and bonnet and can still smell the anointing oil when I look at this photo.

With her Great Granddaddy

Time to change into her party dress!!

So peaceful.

Ethan loved the ham, edible fruit arrangement (fruit on a stick - of course he loved it!), and his favorite - the cake! Here we asked him where the icing went.

Looking at these photos makes me want to go squeeze her and smell her bonnet to see if it still smells like the she did on her special day.

April 2011

2011-10-09T20:10:00.000-04:00

We started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Harper wasn't screaming quite as much. We made advancements in sleep. Half way through the month Harper didn't need the hairdryer on to fall asleep anymore. It wasn't silent but quieter as we weaned her from the hairdryer to the sound machine set on "ocean" at it's highest volume. We also weaned her from using the "swaddle me". At first we swaddled her with an Aden and Anais swaddle blanket (best things ever!) to put her to sleep and by her 2nd or 3rd nursing session of the night, she was completely unswaddled. We were still cosleeping and Harper was still nursing nearly every hour of the night. To get her to sleep I snuggled next to her in bed and nursed her. When she was fully asleep I slipped away until her first wake up, an hour later. For that HOUR of not having a baby attached to me... I joined Matt and Ethan for Ethan's bedtime routine or cleaned up from the day and dinner or just sat and watched tv or at the computer. I re-read what I just wrote and wonder if I'll look back on that time and miss having a baby attached to me for so many hours a day. Yes, I will miss it but when you're in the trenches of a cranky baby and nursing every 2 hours during the day and every hour at night, and listening to the hairdryer or a loud sound machine for hours every day, that hour that I had partially to myself was sweet.

Harper's 4 month milestones:
Enjoyed blowing raspberries and bubbles.
Reached out for our faces with both hands - SO CUTE!
Weaned from hairdryer and swaddle me at night.
Weighed 16lbs, 6oz and measured 26 3/4 inches long at her 4 month check up.
Her first and second teeth broke (left and right bottom, central incisors) through at 4.5 months old.
Celebrated her first Easter.
Started grabbing her feet to play with them.
Laughed for Ethan for the first time!

Ethan was still a busy boy ...

Shortly after we moved into this house Ethan learned how much fun racing cars, trucks, buses, etc up and down the hallway is. What makes it even cuter is those jammie pants! I love them!

Having a picnic with a monkey. Pretend play is growing.

Time to play golf outside again! YAY!

He loved hitting balls out of the dirt.

Pointing to where his shot will go.

Teething baby

That is cookie dough all over Ethan's face- we were making dairy, egg, and soy free sugar cookies for Easter.

Ethan is saying "Baby's too wittle for cookie dough." He loves to remind us that she's too little for just about everything that he gets to do.

My little pea pod.

Of course she's chewing on her hands behind there!

Sibling love.

Party of Four.

Ethan learned to catch a ball.

Cold cuddly mornings.

Ethan is really into cars, tractors, anything that can be pushed, rolled, etc.

Matt cuddling his girl before heading out to play golf. He didn't get to golf as much this year. I'm sure he'll make up for it when the kids are older.

Golf. Lots and lots of golf. Our neighbors walk by, cheer him on, and compliment his skills. Some even thought we didn't have any other activities b/c Ethan is always playing golf :)

SPRING!! After a long winter these were so happy.

This was my favorite spring dress for Harper.

Ready for sun shiny days ahead!

FOUR months already! And I caught a smile for a monthly photo :)

Harper is still in love with her froggy and we love how she holds onto his legs and cuddles him.

Matt and Ethan had been practicing Ethan's "follow through". Yes, in the house.

Ethan found party hats and insisted that we wear them. Harper was not amused.

Attempt#1 at getting bunny ears shot of both of them - obviously a failure but still funny.

Ethan's art show at school. One of the cutest events we've been to.

Easter Egg Hunt at Ethan's school.

He's given that look since the day he was born.

I bought these boots for Ethan during the winter months but he wanted nothing to do with them. In April he decided that he liked them because he could put them on "all by myself" and they became his favorite shoes. This led to wearing boots everyday -even when it warmed up and was time for shorts! Cutest little boots, even with shorts.

Ethan insisted that Matt have a soapy beard too.

Attempt #2, got it!

Time to roll out the dough we made!

Time to decorate them!

Snacking on sprinkles

We did this instead of dyeing eggs.

He loved them! They were delicious - recipe here.

Waking up on Easter morning - dragging his "airplanes" (his old Aden & Anais sleep sack - it's incredibly soft!) behind him.

His first chocolate Easter bunny! From Divvies

Mouse bowling!

Ahh, Springtime. Windows open! Ethan is in love with lollipops and seeing the school bus every day.

I thought I loved my babies in fleece footed pjs but these seeing them in these skinny pjs & bare feet melts my heart.

A local "touch a truck" day.

Matt has his eyes closed but I still like this one of the 4 of us.

March 2011

2011-08-22T16:14:00.000-04:00

I think of March as a transition toward easier times until I stumble across an email in my drafts box like this one:

"Harper is getting worse again. We are wondering if this liquid prevacid is not working as well as the solutabs. She has had screaming fits the past couple of nights... also tougher to get her to sleep. Thurs night she screamed at 8:45 and last night it was all of the sudden at 11:45 then all throughout the night - like she couldn't get settled. We unswaddled her so she didn't sleep as well and I've been up since 6 with her. I just want her to feel better. I feel like if this isn't working, then what?! I can't imagine if we have to switch to that expensive formula :("

My heart aches as I remember that again. It was a special kind of hell. 3 months of trying to soothe Harper as she screamed. By March she had stopped screaming every night. She was still fussy, cried a lot, and had some screaming fits but she didn't seem to be in as much pain as previous months. The dairy and soy should have been FULLY out of her system, her digestive tract was likely continuing to heal, and she was on consistent reflux meds.

In March we took Harper to Johns Hopkins. The doctor switched her to a liquid Prevacid and at first it didn't seem like it was working. The doctor also prescribed Zantac for use before bedtime because some studies show Prevacid doesn't work in the middle of the night. We didn't notice a difference in Harper's (lack of) sleep if she had the Zantac or not so we stopped giving it to her. We tried it out of desperation during screaming fits some nights but still, there was no difference. The doctor also prescribed Erythromycin to see if helped to have Harper's stomach emptied faster. We discussed this medication with her doctor. Matt and I never felt comfortable giving it to her. It is an old antibiotic that is no longer used as an antibiotic but used for the side effects it caused - emptying the stomach. The doctor said that it wasn't necessary to use so we didn't.

Mornings continued to be Harper's happiest time. Throughout the day she napped in her swing, swaddled, with her pacifier, and hairdryer running or in the car or while I wore her. We continued to try putting her down while asleep in an elevated bassinet, bouncer seat, or cosleeper but she woke after only a few minutes. At night she slept next to me and nursed usually every hour. If we tried to give her the pacifier at night she screeched and cried. And she's a princess so I gave her what she wanted.

Harper's first tiara, 3 months old.

Kidding (well, sort of. I didn't let her continue to screech so I nursed her). Her grandmother gave her this little tiara.

During March Harper's cry turned from sounding like a newborn to an infant. She weighed over 14 pounds. She giggled for the first time, started chewing on her hands a lot, and started blowing raspberries/spitting. We took her to the chiropractor that I saw during my pregnancy. He was incredibly helpful to me. Unfortunately, we didn't see similar results with Harper. Actually, Harper seemed to be even more upset in the days following the appointments so we stopped taking her.

Some photos from March.

Harper enjoyed bath time. She relaxed until you tried to wash under her neck rolls, then she cried.

Ethan loves bath time too. He requests bubble bath and blowing bubbles.

Relaxing, watching Mickey after nap.

Grabbing and batting at toys for the first time.

3 Month photo with cute shoes.

"I thought things were supposed to get better after 3 months/the fourth trimester?!".

Still doing newborn-like leg lifts and keeping her hands and feet clenched closed most of the time. A quick stretch here to reveal she's still storing lint in between her toes.

Fussy or not, Ethan adored his sister. He was trying to help her put her sock back on here.

Do you see that SUPER long single eyelash? It nearly touched her eyebrow when she had her eyes wide open. Crazy long and Matt probably thinks it's crazy that I took a picture of it. I used to show it to him all the time.

When Ethan's love of matchbox cars began. Have you ever stepped on one of those bad boys? They are EVERYWHERE!

Both Matt and I think one of the cutest sights to see is Ethan eating.

L.O.V.E.

Ethan mimicking Harper putting her hands in her mouth.

And wanting to be just like Daddy.

A favorite outfit

Another (so much so that she has those pants in size 12 months too)

And another.

My heart could burst.

Staying home

2011-08-10T18:34:00.000-04:00

Look at these two. Don't they look like they are sharing secrets only siblings could understand?

I love these photos. Dreamy moments with my babies.

Things (moods) can change as quickly as Ethan's expressions did here.

And believe me, they did. I should have taken Ethan's expression in the photo above as a precaution to how things would go this particular afternoon. He refused to nap, both kids were screaming, I resorted to driving to get them to sleep (when gas was over $4/gallon) and still, more crying once they woke up. I thought I was going to lose my mind. It was the most difficult afternoon. I felt everything was crashing down on me. Ethan tantrumed and cried. Harper screamed. I went back and forth trying to soothe each of them but that only led to more crying. Finally, at 4:45pm when I was trying to soothe Harper, Ethan said "no, Ethan crying". He was showing how difficult it was to adjust to being a sibling, to share our attention, and how he was dealing with Harper's crying. During Harper's first check up, our pediatrician had suggested tending to the toddler first before the baby because the toddler will remember. I held Ethan in my arms and he finally stopped sobbing and held a pacifier in Harper's mouth while I shhhed and reassured both of them (and myself). It was going to be okay. I was going to make sure of that. Did I mention that this was the morning after Matt and I had decided I would stay at home full time? What a first official day as a stay at home mom! It was like they were hazing me during initiation.

Harper doesn't smile for just anyone and she saves special ones for Ethan.

She thinks he is fun. I do too. And I love how squinty her eyes get when she smiles.

She also gets this look that we like to describe as her "how did I get stuck with this family?" look. She's completely bored with us.

He loves her so.

He loved to hold her hand when she was this little.

She always had her hands and feet clenched. I had to pry them apart to wash the lint out from between her fingers and toes.

See the lint?

I remember this day so clearly.

Staying at home...Harper was still very difficult and needed me. We visited the daycare to try it out but we knew it wasn't going to work out even with my flexible, part time schedule. The daycare we chose for Ethan is fantastic. I knew they would love and care for Harper the same way they did for Ethan, even though she was a challenge, but Harper had needs that they couldn't meet. At this point she had requirements of being swaddled, with a pacifier, in the swing, with the hairdryer running - just to nap for 20-30 minutes (she is not a sleeper!). How was I going to ask the daycare to run a hairdryer? I still had to wear her and do "the walk" for some naps in the afternoon. One day my aunt came to visit to help and give me a break. She tried everything but couldn't get Harper settled for more than a few minutes. My aunt was working so hard and Harper was showing how our days usually go. My aunt looked at me, knowing I had decided to stay at home, and said "she can't go to childcare". It was clear to me but to have someone else see it was reassuring.

We decided to continue Ethan's "school" program but instead of 3 days a week he would attend 2 half days. I knew I could socialize Ethan with our friends' children, but he enjoyed the structure and activities of school. We thought it would be best to keep Ethan in the practice of attending a program so that hopefully the transition to preschool in the Fall would be easier. He was doing much better with separation anxiety (we still have moments of that) and he was benefiting from his time at school. It also provided me one on one time with Harper.

The agency I work for offered to keep me on staff on an "as needed" basis. If there is a waiting list of clients, evening clients, or a class comes up, they can call me to pick up some work. It sounds like a win-win because I do love my job as a parent educator. As with any job, there are good days and bad days. Same goes for being stay at home parent! It is not a party all the time!

It turns out work has been slow. Referrals aren't coming in and there are budget cuts. It's such a shame that families are still struggling but funds are being cut so there aren't as many services available to help. I miss seeing clients. I miss those "ah ha" moments where I felt like I really helped a parent/child/family. I miss that inspiration and motivation. I do not miss the frustrations, paperwork, and the other negatives of being an in-home service provider. The good usually outweighed the bad but nothing beats being at home with these two:

The decision to stay at home came with it's own challenges ... money. Most of my income was going to go to childcare but still, there was a loss of income. We are making it work. We have had to cut back in areas. We won't be able to update our house as quickly. We won't be able to take expensive trips/vacations. But we're okay with that. We knew those things going into this and made the decision that was best for our family (not for everyone). I've joked that we were given a difficult baby to force us to make the decision for me to stay at home full time. There is truth in that. I am really enjoying being at home (admittedly it's the hardest work I've ever done) and I feel it was meant to be.

Ethan turns TWO!

2011-08-08T18:19:00.000-04:00

At his 2nd birthday party, with cake and icing on his face - just as it should be when you're 2.

Two! I can hardly believe it (and at this point he's two and a half)!!

By two years old, Ethan was counting to ten, identifying colors, and shapes. By two and a half, Ethan counts to twenty, identifies colors beyond primary colors, and more shapes (as we were driving this past Spring he saved me from running a stop sign by saying "there's an octagon!". He didn't know it meant stop but I'm thankful he recognized the shape!). His memory amazes us every day. From recognizing landmarks, knowing which direction to go, memories of events and people, his books, and everything in between. I can't believe how much his speech has developed in the past few months. He is forming 9 word sentences, changing present/past tense of words all on his own, and making us laugh with the funny things he says. I recently overheard him telling Harper "Mommy is freaking out." after I told him that I just needed two seconds to go to the bathroom by myself. This statement left me in hysterics and he knew it. He loves to make us laugh.

The love he has for his sister is undeniable. When she was under 3 months old I told him that Harper had a tough day and was fussy. He went to her and said "aww, sweetheart". He liked when she started cooing and would proclaim "she talking to me!". When she would cry in the car he would tell her "I know baby, I know.". Eventually when he was tired of her crying he asked her to "turn off her tears", which is a statement that we have used very successfully with him when he is melting down or having a tantrum. We ask/tell him to turn off his tears and use his words. Speaking of tantrums... they still occur but have decreased in frequency. I think we can attribute his ability to verbally express himself, changes in diet, and consistency at home to the successful decrease in negative behaviors.

Every drive in the car is an adventure to spot dump trucks, tractor-trailers, mowers, diggers, cranes, buses -- you get the idea :) Ethan loves them all and wants to find more! He enjoys chatting while we drive... about his day, about what we're going to do next, and all the things we see along the way.

He continues to enjoy music and we have properly exposed (brainwashed) him into liking Pearl Jam. At first he thought Just Breathe was Pearl Jam. He only wanted to listen to that song, over and over and over again. In the car, during nap, and during dinner. He would ask to listen to Pearl Jam but would say "this is not Pearl Jam" if we put any of their songs on other than Just Breathe. We love the song but after the 5th time in a row, we were ready for a change. He also enjoys listening to John Mayer, some country music, and all the songs from the Music Together class that we took. I highly recommend the class as well.

Ethan has become more cuddly and affectionate lately and I am soaking it up! He has been using both hands to squeeze our faces as he gives us kisses. A few weeks ago he proclaimed "I love you, Mommy" and they very well might be the sweetest words I've ever heard. I know these cuddly moments are fleeting. He is a boy on the go... racing cars, running, swinging his golf clubs (all of which are broken and duct taped back together, showing how much/hard they are played with).

He loves our routines, talking about our plans for each day, and recalling it all when we share during dinner about how our day was. Ethan loves coming home and I love how comfortable, confident, and happy home makes him feel. I can't tell you how happy that makes us feel.

World Breastfeeding Week

2011-08-07T21:53:00.001-04:00

As World Breastfeeding Week comes to a close, I want to post a photo from our most recent photo session with Elaine Gates. I will always treasure this photo. It makes me think of the special time I spent nursing Ethan and now Harper. I am very proud and feel so privileged to be their mom.

More pictures from Feb 2011

2011-07-17T21:18:00.000-04:00

I looked back on my photo files from February and it looks like things were easier in Feb. Harper was still having a difficult time but there were more smiles...

Still fussy but not screaming!

She even let us put her down in the morning!!!

Of course she preferred being held. I love seeing Matt hold this pink bundle.

Ethan enjoyed helping entertain her while she relaxed on her changing table - one of the few places she was happy to be.

Reading a book to her.

And being a typical big brother - he thought it was funny to put it on her face.

We still watched Wheel of Fortune before bed together some nights. Ethan always called out "W" and one day when I asked him what he was drawing he said "W".

I was still wearing her for hours every day ... walking and listening to the hairdryer.

She was swaddled often too.

I adore this picture of Ethan. He seems so little here, especially compared to now.

Yes, Harper is napping in the bathroom. This was the one nap a day (in the morning) that I was able to get her to nap in her chair with the bathroom fan on .

Two months old here and her heat rash had cleared and she wasn't as red faced. One of my favorite outfits too.

She even tolerated her playmat for a few minutes at a time! She enjoyed looking in the mirror.

Ethan liked to help.

Harper asking him to please back up.

That's better. And it melts my heart.

She was NOT a fan of tummy time and still doesn't like to be on her stomach. I remember taking this picture before getting set up to sleep -- so we were still sleeping on the sofa together at this point (mid Feb).

Documenting another cute outfit and unhappy girl.

Talking to herself in the mirror was a daily activity.

Ethan's first lollipop. He was in love.

Breakfast with Ethan - tractor spoon, playdough, and toys at the table.

Welcoming SPRING!

By this point we graduated from sleeping propped up on the sofa with Harper on my chest to cosleeping in the bed.

Ethan loved coming into our bed in the morning to say good morning to Harper. I was a little surprised that he never questioned why she was in our bed and not her crib. He never asked to sleep in there too.

I loved these pants!

Harper and I made a daytrip to Ikea with our friend Kasey (Hi Kasey!). Harper was a great traveler that day! We can't wait to go back. We picked up fun treats for Ethan such as this easel.

Harper's first bottle of breastmilk. Ethan was a big helper.

And then Ethan insisted on having his milk while he helped :)

She took some of it but took the rest while resting on the boppy. It turned out that Harper was quite particular about bottles (shocker). She preferred them to be perfectly warm (we never figured out the right temp). We were able to skip bottles altogether (more on this later). She's 7.5 months now and we have introduced cold breastmilk in a sippy cup because that is what Ethan took while I was away from him and it was SO easy!

I saw this mobile on Amazon's daily deals for $11. One of the best things we bought for Harper. No, it's not pretty but it was a lifesaver! She actually let us put her down in her crib because of it! It's perfect for younger babies with the black and white and contrasting patterns.

The greatest thing we bought for Harper was a WubbaNub. So great that it probably deserves a post of it's own but I'll include it here. It's like a light weight Beanie Baby attached to a Soothie pacifier. It prevents the pacifier from rolling down when the baby lets it fall out of her mouth. It was a HUGE help. Harper could sit in her seat with her pacifier and I didn't have to run over every 5 seconds when she lost it. It would lay on her chest and she could root around to get the pacifier back in her mouth. This was especially helpful when I was tending to Ethan and didn't have to get up and run to Harper quite as much. It also made the pacifier easier to find in any room and saved us from buying a ton of pacifiers. Harper became attached to this little guy. She holds onto his legs, chews on the tag, plays with the tag, and just loves her froggy! The frog is sewn on to the pacifier so at first we were just washing the pacifier but the frog started to look dirty too so we put the whole thing in with clothes in the washing machine and it turned out just fine. I thought about putting it in a mesh bag before washing but didn't and still, it came out fine.

I think it looks so funny hanging from her mouth!

Difficult months

2011-07-16T21:34:00.000-04:00

I've started this post and left it in drafts. I need to finish it. Like pulling off a band aide. Only a few months later and I am already thinking that it was easier than it really was. Soon I'll think "oh it wasn't that hard.". Oh, yes, yes it was. Having a newborn is hard. Having a toddler and a newborn is hard. Having a toddler and a newborn who cries, needs to be held/bounced/walked/shhh-ed literally 24/7 or else she cries, who screams in pain, turns purple from crying, and has broken blood vessels on her face from screaming and crying is HARD. And for those who will say "it could be worse" because we heard a lot of that, YES, I know it could have been worse. My child was healthy (for the most part) and we thank God for that.

I started this blog as a therapeutic tool and for documentation purposes when we were having a difficult time trying to conceive a child. I had been through difficult times before. I knew I would have difficult times again. But I believe that the first few months of Harper's life were perhaps the most challenging months of my life so far - and like I said, I've been through things ...dysfunctional family, hurt, loss, more moves than any child should endure, foster care, etc... but this... this beautiful child... was a challenge. She was in pain and we were so desperate to help her. To help all 4 of us.

We kicked off the New Year with a screaming baby and in result... a cranky family. January, and February for that matter, were especially difficult. I stopped ALL forms of dairy (yes, even hidden dairy) on12/31/10 and knew that we had a long road ahead of us until all the dairy was out of our systems. I kept soy in my diet and even tried a little soy milk over my oatmeal but quickly realized that was a BAD idea. Harper was in even more pain. I cut soy out of my diet with the exception of soy oil and soy lecithin because typically MSPI babies can handle those two. Harper's bowel movements looked "normal" most of the time. Mucousy stools were one of Ethan's main symptoms but Harper's were rarely mucousy at first (it arrived some later on but not near the extent of how long Ethan suffered from them). Ethan was fussy and cried a lot before I cut out dairy but Harper continued screaming even after mShe was also showing signs of reflux.

We tried everything to get her sleep somewhere other than on us - even on her belly for naps. This lasted a few minutes. Occasionally she slept longer - usually when friends came over and could have held her :)

I'm trying to recall everything by date but I can't. What I recall most is the way my baby girl cried in pain, as if she was begging me to help her. Her body stiffening as she pushed her legs out in pain and frustration, kicking me as I held her. When we finally did get her settled she cried as soon as we pulled her away from our bodies to put her down. Add all day fussiness and crying to the nightly screaming sessions and we were grasping desperately for reasons, for a resolution.

I wanted pictures of Harper in outfits that we had chosen for her, outfits that I loved on her and I kept waiting for happy times to take them. She was outgrowing everything so we took photos even though she was upset. Reality.

During the first week of January I called the pediatrician and took Harper in to be seen. We had a long wait at the doctor's office and Harper cried nearly the entire time. I tried shhhing. I tried the pacifier. I tried nursing her. I tried walking. Bouncing helped a little. Other patient's parents who were waiting commented on how unhappy she was, like I was oblivious to it or something?!

The doctor suspected reflux and sent us with instructions for Harper to have an upper GI performed the following day. The first bottle she would consume was filled with nasty barium solution. Not only was I sad about that fact but I was also concerned about that setting us on a difficult path. Ethan refused bottles after 4.5 months, resulting in me racing to the daycare every 4 hours while trying to work. Was this going to set us on a path with another bottle-hater?

Harper took the bottle of barium solution down like a pro. The upper GI showed she refluxed and we were sent on our way. The pediatrician's office called later instructing us to pick up her new medication. Very little instructions were given besides giving her a half tablet of prevacid once a day. WHAT A PAIN. Cut the tablet in half, try to make sure it was perfectly even so that she would have the same amount of medication in her system, dissolve the tablet in water in a syringe, make sure all of those darn little beads get into her mouth (again fear of inconsistent dosage)... I am frustrated just thinking about that process again!

Soothing Harper... Due to her reflux we could no longer bounce her to soothe her. It had worked initially but then she would wake screaming in pain just a few minutes later ... likely due to the bouncing, sloshing milk around, and refluxing up her esophagus. The sound of the hairdryer stopped her from crying and soothed her. The sound machine wasn't loud enough to calm her down. We used it on it's highest volume at night while we slept but it did nothing for her when she was crying. Recordings of a hairdryer weren't loud enough either. Sometimes the vacuum helped. Music did nothing which made me sad because Ethan had loved listening to music from the time he was a newborn. She didn't care for her carseat so car rides were not relaxing for quite some time. The swing, which had been a blessing with Ethan, was not used much during Harper's first 2+ months. It didn't soothe her and we were also fearful that it would aggravate her reflux.

So, if you can't bounce but have to keep moving to calm a baby, what do you do? WALK. And not just any walk. We had to walk a certain way (I won't even attempt to explain it because I don't know how!) to calm her all the while continue shhsing in a rhythmic pattern or blast the hairdryer. We figured out the walk (and everything else) through trial and error. Every day seemed like a new stress inducing adventure.

Just under a month old in the Baby K'Tan. I don't have it over my shoulder all the way here but it's very comfortable. This carrier helped me keep my sanity during these difficult months.

The morning was Harper's best time. She started smiling and cooing in the morning. She fussed but didn't cry as much in the morning. I was always happy to see morning arrive after the long nights. I slept propped up on the sofa with her on my chest for the first 2 months. I saw the clock on the cable box throughout the night. A few nights we accidentally turned the tv off but not the cable box and I thought it was the time showing but it was really the channel (a channel in the 500's). I was actually disappointed that it was only 3:30am and not after 5am.

Almost a smile caught on camera! The poor dear has a rash all over her face here. We were concerned that it was caused by allergies but her pediatrician knew as soon as he looked at her that it was a heat rash ... from sleeping on us at night!

This was one of my favorite newborn outfits that she outgrew so quickly. I bought it out while I was very pregnant with her.

Lunch time was a challenge because it was difficult to keep her asleep on me while I ate, even if I wore her. Sometimes I tried to eat lunch while wearing her and swaying in the kitchen. By late afternoon she melted down and I walked. Most afternoons I put a show on tv for Ethan or set him up with an activity in the living room while I put the hairdryer on in the bedroom for Harper. I walked up and down our hallway so I could watch Ethan and keep Harper calm.

I have not decided what I will do with the sweatshirt Matt is wearing in this picture. He must have worn it often during this time because whenever I see it, I remember (almost flash back to) how stressed Matt looked as he paced back and forth trying to soothe Harper from her purple crying (some nights she cried so much she turned shades of red and purple).

Still, I love the look on Ethan's face in this picture and seeing Matt with our babies.

There were some evenings that I sat in the bathroom and cried after Matt arrived home from work. Those few moments were the only moments I had to myself. I could hear Harper crying and Ethan trying to get Matt's attention. I wasn't sure if I could handle much more. It was wearing us down. Matt took care of Ethan's bedtime routine while I took care of Harper. We quickly learned that this division wasn't healthy for any of us. We needed to be consistent but give each other breaks. I remember walking around the dining room table, with Harper screaming in my arms, the hairdryer on, and feeling jealous that Matt was snuggled up with Ethan reading books as a part of his bedtime routine. Nights were the worst. After Matt completed Ethan's bedtime routine he came out to help me. We took turns walking with Harper while she screamed, until she fell asleep. We'd often turn the Game Show Channel on with closed captioning since it was easy to watch with the hairdryer on because we had to leave the hairdryer on for a while after Harper fell asleep. If we turned it off too early she woke up crying. It was quite a dance every night. Matt would often be the one to get Harper to sleep. I sat up on the sofa with pillows propped behind me and Matt transferred Harper to me - just so- then we could enjoy a few moments of watching tv or talking before I fell asleep. Sounds dreamy and really, those were the few small moments of relaxation ... with my baby girl snuggled up on me, my sweet boy sleeping in his crib, and my loving husband supporting us. It took HOURS to get to those few sweet moments before I fell asleep. I tried not to worry about how soon she would wake or how long the night would be. Harper woke every 2-3 hours to nurse and have her diaper changed.

Finally asleep. Snuggled up with her Daddy while we listened to the hair dryer and watched tv.

There were days that we listened to the hair dryer on and off for hours. We even borrowed an old one from my mother in law because I didn't want to burn out my favorite hair dryer. It took her a while to get used to the replacement hairdryer. At first it didn't calm her down but she soon adjusted to it. We still had to use my hairdryer to get her to sleep every night but were able to use the quieter one for naps.

Each week as a part of our grocery shopping routine we stop and smell the flowers with Ethan. He often chooses a single flower to take home. This yellow rose bloomed so big during some of our darkest days in January. Every time I walked into the kitchen I saw this big, bright, beautiful yellow rose and it made me smile.

We saw a slight improvement after starting the reflux medication but then she regressed. We called the pediatrician again who increased her dose to a half tablet twice a day. Oh joy, I get to do that whole process twice a day. Sweet. It didn't matter. I just wanted her to feel better. 2 weeks later we called again. She had improved but still screamed every night. We moved the dosage time up. We scheduled another appointment with her pediatrician. He increased her dosage again and had her stool sample tested for blood. It was positive. We were sent to see a local Pediatric GI and I cut ALL soy out of my diet, hoping that would help.

Harper fussed, cried, and screamed for a week after her 2 month immunizations. That happened to be the week of our appt with the peds GI. That was a colossal waste of time. He drew pictures of the GI tract, he listed and crossed off possible reasons for Harper's issues, he went on and on and on but took us NO WHERE. Did I mention Harper was having a most difficult week during this appt? Ugh, the man was clueless. He wanted my unhappy child to stop crying so that he could tell me what he DIDN'T think was wrong with her. He told me "you have a very unhappy baby on your hands". Seriously? I live with her 24/7, I know this. This guy tried to tell me that he hasn't seen eliminating dairy and soy from a nursing mom's diet help babies who cannot tolerate milk and soy proteins even after I told him what I eliminated to be able to nurse Ethan. He pushed prescription formula and ended our very long visit with "I haven't seen it work.". Well, I have. We left there with a enormously long list of testing that he thought we should have done, including about 25 stool sample and blood tests and a barium ENEMA on a TWO month old -to rule out a rare disorder that she wasn't displaying symptoms of. Needless to say, we didn't have those tests done and we never saw that crazy man again. Harper had visible blood in her diaper the next day and I panicked. I can look back now and realize that it was likely caused by a small fissure due to the exam. Ugh!

We sought a second opinion. Fortunately we were able to get an appointment with a Pediatric GI at Johns Hopkins who specializes in reflux. It was more than worth the trip! The doctor we saw listened to our concerns and supported our decision to continue breastfeeding Harper. She made suggestions regarding Harper's MSPI and provided new prescriptions for her reflux. The prevacid solutabs that we had been giving Harper contain lactose and aspartame that may have been irritating her system even more. The doctor suggested a liquid prevacid. From what I've read from others experiences, liquid prevacid did not work for their children but it has worked for ours. I have read complaints about pharmacies not mixing it properly or the flavoring that is added having a negative effect but we have not run into this problem.

I'll continue the story in my March update because our problems weren't solved completely by February but this post is getting long enough.

Before I close Jan and Feb 2010 I need to address how my sweet boy, Ethan handled all of this... he was a trooper through these struggles. He has loved his sister from the moment he met her. I will say that a thousand times and still my heart will beam over it every time. He surely was affected by the adjustment of having a sibling and especially by having a sibling who cried all the time but he took it in stride. His catch phrases came to be "baby sister upset" and "baby crying". He even told his teachers at school about it. He often asked me to turn the hairdryer off because it was "weally, weally woud". Ethan showed some difficult behaviors through this but considering the stress that was obviously occurring, no matter how much we tried to keep things normal for him, he did very well.

Fun with Daddy!

Father's Day 2011

2011-06-19T09:05:00.001-04:00

Happy Father's Day, Matt!
Each day I'm amazed by your love and the way you father these little ones.

The kids and I had a little photo shoot to wish you a happy day! They adore you (so do I).

Ethan is really into making silly faces right now.

These are classic Ethan... he closes his eyes when you ask him to smile :)

Harper loves props.

Look at how bored she looks without them :)

I made one of these with Ethan for Matt's first Father's Day too (2009)-

Baby girl is SIX months old - already?!

2011-06-08T21:10:00.000-04:00

The days are long but the years are short.
I'm taking a break from my updating of the past 6 months to post this. To be honest, it's hard for me to write about the first few months of Harper's life.
Tonight Matt and I talked about how we wish we could freeze this time in our lives for a while. Ethan is almost 2.5 years old and Harper is 6 months old and it is FUN! I feel like it's our reward for the difficult times.

December 2010 - continued

2011-06-02T15:05:00.000-04:00

I love the way he loves her.

Most of December 2010 is a blur. A blur of sleep deprivation and adjustment for all four of us. Harper slept unbelievably well the first two nights of her life... a four hour stretch, a five hour stretch... we were amazed and thought she was going to be our "easy baby".

On our first night home from the hospital we slept about 15 minutes out of every hour. We put Harper down in the bassinet asleep and minutes later she was awake and crying. We kept trying. We tried elevating the bassinet. We thought maybe she was cold and swaddled her with warmer blankets. We tried the swing. NOTHING worked BUT holding her. She seemed so uncomfortable. So, in order to get some sleep we slept propped up with her on our chests (Back then I never thought that this would continue for months). We took shifts holding Harper while we slept.

Curled up on my chest, where she liked to sleep.

My milk arrived (sounds like I had it delivered) the day we were checking out of the hospital. I suffered severe engorgement the first week of nursing Ethan and thought this time would be different, but it wasn't. I had forgotten how painful engorgement was. I tried to manage it as best as I could and contacted the lactation consultant for additional suggestions. The first week home was spent managing pain, nursing around the clock, and trying to sleep while holding Harper and sitting up -- which translates into not really sleeping at all. Matt calls it "airplane sleep". You're asleep/dozed off but uncomfortable and aware of what is going on around you. While we were awake we were keeping up with a busy almost-2-year old boy, planning for Christmas, and admiring our sweet little girl.

One of the photos we used for our Christmas card.

Legs still curled up. I love that!

My dreamy baby girl

Her birth announcement from here.

Harper was 3 days old for her first doctor appointment. It was the first time we drove with two kids in the backseat of our car. It felt so surreal. The check up went well. Our pediatrician talked to us about Ethan's adjustment. Ethan was a doting, loving big brother already. It concerned Ethan when Harper cried. The doctor suggested that we continue tending to Ethan's needs first since having a sibling is one of the most difficult life adjustments.

3 days old. You should see how small those socks really are.

Recovery, adjusting, trying to make life as normal as possible for this little guy.

There will be so much to remember about December. I keep thinking about how much Ethan grew and how it seemed like overnight. He seemed much older when we came home from the hospital with Harper. In fact, that time was one of the last times we heard him call me "Boppy"... his way of saying mommy for the past few months. I wish we had a recording of it. It was cute.

Just as it was with Ethan's first week, as soon as my milk came in so did my tears. I cried very easily for a few days and was overly emotional. Fortunately it didn't last long and I had been down that road before so I wasn't as concerned.

Less than two weeks into this new adventure and things became more difficult. It seemed like as soon as I wasn't in pain anymore, Harper was. She cried often and seemed uncomfortable. Harper hated her carseat so she cried for the first 15-20 minutes of any car trip. I climbed into the backseat and hovered over her carseat to nurse her. I'm sure it was quite a site! I never had to do that with Ethan. We would just pull over for me to nurse him but now we didn't want to make trips in the car any longer for Ethan who was anxious to get where we were going. It just seemed easier for me to nurse her instead of stopping, getting her out of her seat, entertaining Ethan, etc.
Harper started crying for hours every night. The crying turned to screaming. Everyone who I talked to reassured me that this was "normal". A "witching hour". In my heart, I knew it wasn't normal. I was in denial though.

One of the first, of many, Daddy+Daughter photos that I love.

We decided that we wouldn't travel for Christmas Eve. I was sad to miss out on time with my extended family but I knew it was best for our family to be close to home. I was worried about exposing Harper to any possible illness and she wasn't traveling well. It would have been too much. Listening to Harper scream for the 15 minute trip across town from my in-laws to home on Christmas Eve was enough for us to know that we made the right decision. She was a sweaty mess, gasping for breath between cries.

Poor, sweet baby so upset.

I hope to do another post on cloth diapers but here Harper is in a Kissaluv size0/KL0.

Proud big brother on Christmas Eve.

Squishy hugs

Outfit was a gift from her grandmother.

Ethan woke on Christmas morning at 4am, not because he was so excited about Christmas but because he was sick. Runny nose. Exhausted. Tantruming. The presents sat under the tree, unopened for hours. I don't think he even noticed them. Harper had a tough day too. This was one of the first times we learned that the bathroom fan helped soothe her. There we were, on Christmas, huddled into our small hall bathroom with the fan running, holding our sweet newborn daughter so she wouldn't cry. Matt and I laughed and said "Next Christmas will be better/easier". In the spirit of being honest and documenting this for reality sake and not sugar coating it, I'll post these pics. These are not the photos I expected to take on Christmas morning but it is what it is... Don't worry, the day improved and there are happier ones too...

Poor Ethan tantruming.

Exhausted.

There, that's better.

Working hard playing. I love him.

Look at that sweet baby curled up into her momma.

Baby toes on Christmas morning

Harper's First Christmas ornament from here. She was fantastic to work with!

Ethan didn't want any more pics taken by the time it was my turn to sit with them.
Our neighbor knit Harper those adorable booties! A very sweet gift.

I wrote this post over a month ago but am just now getting to publish it... 6 months behind on updating still. I'll get caught up eventually.

And they meet

2011-05-02T18:43:00.000-04:00

We decided that Ethan and his sister would first meet in our home. We had concerns about Ethan seeing me in a hospital bed, a strange setting, and then having to leave while Harper and I stayed there. That decision meant I wouldn't see Ethan for two days (I hadn't been away from him for that long!) and I missed him terribly but I'm glad that we made that decision. We thought it would be best for Ethan. He enjoyed time with his grandparents, continued going to daycare on Wed and Thurs, and his schedule remained consistent. Matt went home every evening to spend time with Ethan and put him to bed.

On Friday morning we got up and ready to check out of the hospital.

Dressing our girl in her coming home outfit. We were afraid that she was going to be too big for it since it said "up to 7lbs" but she fit well even though she was over 8 pounds.

Unhappy about getting dressed.

Time to take her home and help her grow.

I was anxious on our drive home. Anxious to see my boy. Anxious for my babies to meet. Anxious to start our lives together as a family of four. I was nervous about it all too. How were we going to handle TWO? The first snowfall of the season started on our drive home, just a dusting, and it brought a peaceful feeling to it all.

Ethan was waiting for us. I never imagined how excited he would be about meeting his baby sister. He loved her from the moment he met her.

The first thing he did was poke her nose and Matt named it "booping" her nose. Something Ethan continued.

First photo of our family of four.

December 2010 - pre-Harper

2011-05-02T17:16:00.000-04:00

The first 7 days of December were split between wanting baby girl to arrive and wondering if we were ready. There was so much to do but I was in no shape to do any of it. I was so large and uncomfortable. I didn't sleep well due to insomnia and contractions. I woke for hours every night, ate a bowl of cereal, got caught up with the DVR, and waited to see if contractions continued. Now I look back on that time fondly...Just me and baby in my belly who was kicking away... it was so quiet. I'm glad that I had that time.

I just remembered how Ethan said "Boppy, Ow" because I said ow/ouch often. Baby girl was putting a lot of pressure on me so walking was painful. I don't want to be in that discomfort again but I wish I had a recording of Ethan saying that. It was cute and he doesn't call me Boppy anymore. He stopped calling me Boppy (the way he said Mommy) in December.

I had the most amazing pedicure just a few days before delivering Harper. My feet were swollen balloons.

Ethan thought my toes were pretty, despite the swelling.

We continued preparing for Christmas by taking photos of Ethan in his Christmas outfit for our card:

Ethan laughing at his silly daddy

Matt convinced Ethan to wear his winter hat by telling him it was "awesome". Then Ethan called every thing awesome.

Recovery

2011-05-02T16:50:00.001-04:00

A few hours after delivering Harper we were taken to our recovery room and spent the next few days getting to know our little lady.

We were so torn over names. We knew that we loved the name Harper but we didn't commit to it until we were about to be discharged from the hospital. Other names we considered were Claire, Cara, Charlotte, and Maggie, which Matt threw out as an option at the last minute... until I reminded him that was our dead cat's name! We chose Harper Sullivan and have been so pleased with our choice. She is a Harper. Sullivan was my grandmother's maiden name.

Recovery was more painful this time. I remember uterine contractions while nursing during the days after delivering Ethan but they were much more painful this time. I felt like I was in labor again every time I nursed Harper and even in between nursing sessions. While in the hospital the nurses, midwives, and lactation consultant said that it was very common for these contractions to be more painful with each recovery and more painful after delivering bigger babies because the uterus has been stretched out further so it has more work to do to go back down to normal size. I didn't need anything more than ibuprofen to help ease the pain of recovery after delivering Ethan. This recovery required something stronger. I remember telling friends who came to the hospital to visit to remind me of my current state if I start talking about having another baby in a year or two.

Harper's arrival - birth story

2011-04-18T10:03:00.000-04:00

I posted in my November 2010 recap that I continued having consistent contractions that eventually fizzled out. This continued until the end of my pregnancy with Harper. I'd often wake at night due to contraction pains and timed them, only to have them come to a complete stop a few hours later. Some of the contractions were simply discomfort while others brought dull pain. They seemed to progress one particular time - to the point that I emailed my girlfriends to keep them updated & told them that I thought I was in labor, only to have gotten our hopes up for nothing. I even had Matt come home early from work one Friday afternoon because my midwife felt my contractions at my appointment that day and predicted that I would have my baby within 24-48 hours. (Our girl arrived 5 days later.) I often wonder what Matt's boss and coworkers thought... is this her first baby? Does she not know what labor feels like?... since he returned to work on Monday... still no baby. Everything was different this time.

Just a few days short of 40 weeks pregnant

I woke on Tuesday, December 7, 2010 with more progressive signs of impending labor. I'll spare the details. My contractions were consistently every 10 minutes. Every other contraction brought dull pain. I went to my eyebrow waxing appointment that morning and had fun announcing to the ladies that I was in labor. I had Matt come along to my appointment to see my midwife that day, just in case she sent me to labor and delivery. Midwife, Cindi, offered to strip my membranes and I agreed, but it was painful so I had her stop. I was 2cm dilated. She said that she wasn't going to send me to labor and delivery just yet because I wouldn't be able to eat there and it could take all day and evening for my labor to progress. I was happy with her decision because I knew it was early and I felt laboring at home would be more comfortable. I was happy to be able to spend the rest of the day at home, relaxing, contracting, and thinking about delivering this baby. I remember enjoying a milkshake and wondering if I would be able to continue drinking those after baby's arrival... wondering if she would have milk and soy issues like Ethan.

My contractions were 8-10 minutes apart around 4pm but still only every other one was painful. My labor pains progressed through the evening. I tried to hide my pain during Ethan's bedtime routine so that I didn't scare him. I don't think I could fully grasp that this was the last evening with Ethan as our only child. He seemed too little to be a big brother. As we kissed and cuddled him good night we told him that his Nama and Narnold (his grandparents) would be here in the morning. After our goodnights I reviewed what I had written out as Ethan's routine for his grandparents to follow while they cared for him. I prepared it in a word document and printed it when I was on bedrest. I wanted his days and nights to be as familiar as possible while we were at the hospital. I made adjustments to it as the months went on ... the type of cereal he ate for breakfast changed, he sat at the table like a big boy now, the tv programs he preferred to watch changed. I reviewed my hospital packing list one more time and added those last minute things like my camera and our Flip video camera (although we had it, there is no video footage of either of my children's births and I'm ok with that. We just didn't think of it.).

By 8:30pm I was having painful contractions but they were still 8-10min apart. I decided to page the midwife on call. Midwife, Pam, called and I was so happy to hear her voice. I had hoped to see her during my labor or delivery. She suggested that I wait to go to the hospital until all of my contractions were 5 minutes apart (unless my water had broken, but it didn't). By 10:30 I was in serious pain and my contractions were 5-8min apart (every other one was 5 min apart). I called the midwife again and we discussed my options. She could tell that I was in pain but she was concerned that I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted to the hospital. If I had arrived and was less then 4cm dilated, they would have monitored me but there was a chance they would send me home if I didn't progress to 4cm quickly. She also said that "practice labor" can be very painful sometimes and if I wasn't progressing then it could have been ANOTHER false alarm. I knew my contractions were way too strong to be false labor. We decided to wait it out at home. Matt and I tried to nap in the living room but I couldn't really sleep through the pain so I kept monitoring the contractions and clock. At midnight I decided to get up and walk. As soon as I did that my contractions jumped to every 5 min apart. I called the midwife back, Matt called the grandparents to come over, and we got ready to leave. My contractions quickly went to every 2-4 minutes. Matt raced us to the hospital! I don't remember much about the drive to the hospital. I was in pain and focused on breathing through the contractions.

Once we checked in to the hospital, my first question for the nurse was "is anesthesiologist here?". I knew I would want an epidural and remembered that it took an anesthesiologist 2 hours to get back to the hospital when I was in labor with Ethan. There was not one there and they couldn't call one until I was checked in, had an iv bag of fluid, and had blood work completed. Thankfully the nurses worked quickly to get this all started. My contractions were much more intense than they were with Ethan. I was 4cm dilated.

The anesthesiologist arrived at 3:10am. Matt was asked to leave the room so he went and sat in what would be our recovery room. He was there for much longer than anticipated because there were complications. The nurses and doctors think that I had a bad reaction to the epidural. My blood pressure dropped and so did baby girl's heart rate. I was given medication to get my BP back up, oxygen, warm blankets, etc. They closely monitored baby's heart rate and eventually had to put an internal heart rate monitor in, which left her with a little scar on the back of her head. There was a lot of tension in the room during this time, but no one said much to me. I was very cold, tired, and not sure what to do because it was difficult to stay awake. I remember seeing my blood pressure drop to 66/33 and another doctor coming in to give me more medication. Once baby's heart rate and my blood pressure were back to normal and the room was calmer I realized the epidural didn't fully take effect. I could still feel pain on one side of my body. It happened to be the side where I pulled a groin muscle earlier that week while getting into my car (yes, just by the simple act of getting into my car!). Every time they checked me or the baby I felt pain from that pulled muscle. I also still felt contractions but not as intensely.

Once Matt was able to come back into the room we caught up and decided to try to get some rest since I still had some progress to make. I couldn't sleep because the blood pressure monitor continued to go off and the beeping was annoying. The nurse came in often to check it and turn the beeping off. She helped me get adjusted and I rested for a little while. Midwife Pam came in to check me again and they decided to break my water. That was probably the strangest part of either of my labors. My water broke on it's own when I went into labor with Ethan. I expected the same to happen this time but it was much different. Pam had a difficult time breaking my water and said that it was one of the most difficult ones she's ever had to break. My labor progressed quickly after that. There was a shift change and Midwife Cindi was now on call.

My blood pressure dropped again so they decided to turn the epidural off. I felt a lot of pain and pressure. Before I knew it, it was time to push. I was so thankful because I was ready for this labor to be over and was more than ready to meet my baby girl. The two wonderful nurses and Cindi prepared the bed and supplies for delivery. I couldn't believe that we were about to meet our second baby. The memories of seeing Ethan for the first time flooded my mind. Matt stood by my side, set the camera nearby, and prepared to hold one of my legs. I could feel the baby's head crowning and I remember thinking about how strange and painful it was. I wanted to push but I was afraid of tearing like I did with Ethan. Cindi encouraged me to let those worries go. I pushed while I was on my side. It was much more intense and painful than Ethan's delivery, obviously because I had less of the epidural. It was one of the most physically draining experiences I've ever had. I was so relieved when her head came out and they told me that I could stop pushing for a moment. I didn't think I could continue until it seemed like both nurses, Cindi, and Matt were helping me push. Within 20 minutes of pushing, my baby girl was here. They brought her to my chest and we marveled over how BIG she was! We couldn't believe it - we said "she's huge". She had rolls ALREADY!

I cuddled and kissed her. I noticed that she wasn't crying. She was gurgling. The nurses tried to clear the mucous out of her throat but told us that the doctor wanted to see her. They didn't weigh or measure her in the room. I felt like they whisked her off. Matt went with her. Cindi and the nurses were concerned that I had a clot. I was in a lot of pain and this period of time is not as clear to me. I was given pitocin and I can't remember if it was because I was bleeding a lot or if my uterus wasn't contracting enough or both. They suggested that I take some pain medication.

Matt returned and shared that our girl was just fine. She came down the birth canal so fast that there wasn't time for the mucous to be squished out of her lungs so she had to have it suctioned out. She passed her meconium before her birth. They weighed and measured her in the nursery. She was a whopping 8lbs, 9oz and was 21 inches long.

I want to kiss and squeeze those cheeks when I look at these pictures!

Harper Sullivan, my baby girl, I love you.

November 2010

2011-04-08T16:37:00.000-04:00

My modified bedrest status continued half way through November. We were anxious to play in all of the leaves in our new front yard. I set up a chair and watched Ethan golf through the leaves.

Here you are baby girl, right there with us! Happy 4 month birthday today. I promise I'll update this blog to include posts about you.

Lining up his shot :)

A day of raking and playing in the leaves:

He looks so tiny here.

Mid-month I was released from bedrest and the medication to stop contractions. We didn't know if baby girl would arrive within days or weeks. We had concerns about having a premature baby and said a lot of prayers. I continued having random contractions. Some were consistent for hours then fizzled out. My hospital bag was packed and we decided that we were ready whenever she was.

We started preparing the nursery.

While I grew...

And grew...

Ethan was very cute about my belly. I often wonder what he thought about it and how much he grasped when we told him there was a baby in there.

We celebrated Thanksgiving but poor Ethan had a fever and didn't eat very much.

except a little jello (a new treat for him).

We decorated our house for Christmas. Ethan was in love with "black trucks" at the time, so the 2010 ornament I ordered him suited this stage.

Despite continued contractions, baby girl wasn't ready so we continued to grow together.

I was 39 weeks pregnant in these photos. Our new house doesn't have a good mirror for self-belly-pics.

October 2010

2011-04-08T14:36:00.002-04:00

October 2010 was full of fun activities, some difficult times, change, hope, and prayer.

We weren't sure if our move was going to take place but we spent time packing, just in case.

I took an online photo course to try and keep my mind off of the stress. The weekly assignments were fun, I started to explore what my camera has to offer when it is not on AUTO, and I plan to take another in the future. It probably wasn't the best time to take the course but I needed that distraction. I'm sure I was quite a site - crouching down to get shots with my big baby belly!

This was taken to represent our soon-to-be Family of FOUR!

This represented a day in my life - driving to clients and errands, I can't live w/o my chapstick, I'm addicted to my laptop, and spying on Ethan while he naps (look at that bum in the air! I love it!).

This was "shoot where you are". Obviously we were at the park where the harsh sun was a challenge for me. It was still SO hot in October and at 30+ weeks pregnant, I was ready for the cool down of Fall.

We signed Ethan up for his first swim class and it took place in October. He loved it. We walked into the pool area and Ethan immediately started leaning out of Matt's arms towards the pool.

He showed little hesitation in Matt's arms while gaining confidence and skills in the water.

Ethan loved the "slide".

We did Fall things like visiting the Fun Fort at Paulus's

We met friends for an evening out (also documenting my 30th week of pregnancy with baby girl)

We FINALLY settled on both houses and moved!!

Matt was excited to do some yard work while I watched from inside

We visited the pumpkin patch

Less than a week after our move I started having preterm contractions. After a non-stress test at my doctor's office confirmed that I was continuing to have contractions, I was sent to Labor and Delivery for monitoring. Matt rarely has out of town trainings anymore but of course he did on this particular day. I was frantic to get a hold of him but he couldn't answer due to a meeting. Matt couldn't make it back in time to pick Ethan up from school. We arranged for Matt's mother to pick Ethan up and keep him until Matt returned home that evening. I was given two shots of medication to stop my contractions, sent home with the same med in a pill form, and instructions for modified bedrest. Modified bedrest included time off of work, no unpacking, no unnecessary walking, etc. The medication made me feel ill so I spent a lot of time on the sofa and in bed. I needed to get out of the house and since the doctor specifically said "I don't want to see you out walking around Target" I rode in those motorized buggies!

Ethan loved the beeping they made when in reverse.

Finally, (whew, October was a long month and we had a lot going on!), we celebrated Halloween! Ethan was a sweet, little puppy dog this year. We met friends for dinner and a little trick-or-treating. We didn't go far since I couldn't do much walking but it was just enough for Ethan to get some special treats (I ate most of them due to his milk allergy - at least that how I justified it).

I loved the way the little tail wiggled when he walked.

September 2010

2011-03-12T17:36:00.000-05:00

We were supposed to move in September but we kept getting delayed by the guy who was buying our townhouse.

I decided to get my hair cut and bring it back to it's natural color.

I also thought that maternity skinny jeans were a good idea, even if maternity and skinny seem like an oxymoron.

26 wks pregnant

27wks

Ethan passed his soy challenge!!! This was our first challenge at the allergist's office. FOUR HOURS in a small room with a toddler. We were prepared for the worst but Ethan did fantastic. He was such a champ. He loved the little bits of soy milk they gave him, was interested in getting his pulse-ox checked, and enjoyed all the new toys mommy and daddy brought to keep him busy.

His first treat was a graham cracker!

We went apple picking for the first time.

We bought Ethan his first toy golf club and he was in love. You should see it now - duct taped to hold it together but he still plays with it daily.

August 2010

2011-03-12T15:32:00.001-05:00

In August we had the inspection completed for our new house.
We attended the wedding of a dear friend.

22 weeks pregnant

My favorite memory from this summer was playing in the rain with Ethan. We splashed in puddles, ran around like crazy, then raced inside to dry off and cuddle under blankets.

August was a busy month but we soaked up as much time outside as we could.

And stopped to smell the flowers. It's one of Ethan's favorite things to do at the grocery store and market.

We started packing for our move. Ethan saw me mark a box, ran to get his crayons and made his own marks on the box!

July 2010

2011-03-12T14:48:00.000-05:00

In July we learned that our baby to be was a girl.

We later learned that thankfully, she did NOT have a cleft lip.

Ethan enjoyed playing outside, especially with the hose:

He also fell in love with his new basketball hoop (scored, like new, at a yard sale for $10).

He had another allergist appt and we learned that he was no longer allergic to wheat. We trialed wheat at home and it was a success! He started eating Frosted Mini Wheats cereal with milk in the morning.

After his allergist appt. He did really well with the bloodwork.

Having fun making a mess with his cereal

Our Move

2011-03-12T13:45:00.001-05:00

We joke with friends who know the details of our home selling and buying process this year. It was insanity. First of all the decision to sell our townhouse and find a single family home was a difficult one. The market wasn't great. We knew that our potential profit was minimal. We loved our house and neighborhood. BUT we needed more room. We found out that we were expecting our 2nd baby just weeks into our search and that not only changed our search criteria, but also put a stricter time frame on the process.

So, our townhouse was for sale. The constant keep it clean and ready for showings was tough, especially while pregnant and taking care of Ethan. We had a few offers, 2 competing offers, 1 seller backed out, and we let another out of her contract because she still had her house to sell when we found another buyer. Our eventual buyer ended up causing delays to our closing date that sent me into a pregnant panic and rage. There were times, even just days before closings were scheduled, that we didn't think it was going to happen. We had settled our hearts to accept that we would wait another year to move if we had to. We didn't know if we would welcome another baby while living in our townhome or shortly after we moved into our new home. Our real estate agent, friends, and family listened to several of my breakdowns along the way. My heartfelt thanks again to those supporters.

It took us 6 months of touring houses to find one that we felt had potential to be our home. We put offers on a couple but walked away when the sellers counter offered because we knew they weren't meant to be ours. We finally found our house and discovered that the sellers were difficult to deal with. There was drama over simple requests, discovery of things that should have been listed in the disclosure, and fear that they would put the house back on the market when we ran into the delays caused by the buyer of our townhouse.

Everything finally fell into place and we moved in October. I was 32 weeks pregnant. Ethan was 20 months old. He amazed us with how well he did with the move. The first thing he did when we walked into our new home was stomp around on the hardwood floors. He loved it! We expected him to ask to go "home" but it seemed like he knew he was already there.

We encountered more stress with utility transfers, specifically Verizon. If we didn't love Fios so much we would have switched to another company. I cannot even begin to explain the issues we ran into because of Verizon. I spent more than 13 hours on the phone with their representatives and managers over the course of 3 weeks trying to fix the mistakes. It was a nightmare. Our appliance deliveries also caused issues and stress. It took more than 5 visits to our house to get everything installed but not without damage to our new refrigerator and newly refinished hardwood floors. I'm certain our floor guy was horrified to learn that the floors were scratched and gouged within a week of his hard work being completed. It seemed like it was always something. The new hot water heater cost how much and was still making that noise? Why wasn't the heat pump working? The plumber rescheduled. The roofer didn't show. We paid a bill but didn't change the payment to the new account number so our bill looks as if it wasn't paid! Ugh!

And then ... I started having preterm contractions and was put on modified bedrest. I'll save that for another post.

This was an incredibly stressful time for us but I'm glad that we can look back on it now with a lighter heart. Although there is much work to be done, we know we made the right decision. There are still boxes and we have barely done any updates, but we've been a little busy with these two beauties, who have much more room to run and play inside and outside of our new home.

Littlest Love

2011-03-12T13:35:00.007-05:00

Here she is. Harper Sullivan V. She arrived on December 8, 2010 at 8:47am. She weighed 8lbs, 9oz and was 21 inches long.

Birth story to come, hopefully someday soon.

"...And all at once you look across a crowded room to see the way that light attaches to a girl." ~Counting Crows.

Reviving this blog.

2011-03-12T13:35:00.000-05:00

Anyone still here? I am and I feel badly that I've neglected this little blog. SIX MONTHS without posting! I have a lot of catching up to do. Even if no one out there is reading this besides Matt (and he is here experiencing it all with me) I need to document for the sake of our memories.

6 months. 6 months of change both wonderful and difficult, amazing and stressful.

I took a blogging break because other areas of my life were in need of my attention. I was trying to balance too much and certain areas were suffering because of it.

The next few posts will consist of me catching up.

It's a...

2010-08-14T14:25:00.000-04:00

One boy, one girl and we couldn't be happier. I look forward to watching Ethan grow into his role of a big brother to his little sister. I can't wait to meet her.

Our 20wk ultrasound revealed a healthy baby girl. She is measuring right on track. She showed all of the necessary parts that they needed to measure but she was shy about showing her face. She kept her hands in front of her face, no matter how much we tried to get her to move. The tech and doctor who reviewed the scans do not believe that she has a cleft lip but they say they cannot be 100% sure. In some shots it looked as if she does not have a cleft but in others it appeared possible. We attempted to see our girl again with a visit to Womb with a View. Two separate ultrasounds in one day there resulted in similar results. Baby girl hid her face with her feet, legs, umbilical cord and then her hands. She curled up and nuzzled her face into the placenta to sleep. Again, in some photos it appears that everything is as it should be, while other glimpses appear that she could possibly have a unilateral, incomplete cleft lip.

We're not sure what to do at this point. Both Matt and I left the appointment yesterday feeling deflated and disappointed. We wish we knew if it was something to worry about or not. We both just want to know. I want to know if I need to worry about the challenges a cleft lip can bring to nursing. It brings me to tears to think about the pain teasing children can cause and how scary surgeries can be. I don't want my girl to have to endure those. We worried about what they couldn't see during ultrasounds with Ethan and follow up scans showed everything was fine. I hope we'll have the same results with this little one. In my heart though, I know, that no matter what, cleft lip or not, we will survive. I know that it could be worse. The most important part is that she is healthy and we already love her.

We may go back and try to see her face again or we may just wait until the day of her birth. The day we meet her.

She is an active little one. She kicks quickly and often. Matt finally felt her kick for the first time last week! It was just as exciting as the first time he felt Ethan kick. We are really enjoying this process all over again, just like it was the first time :)

Great tips

2010-08-10T09:59:00.001-04:00

I have several posts in "drafts". I just can't seem to keep up these days. I've actually been meaning to post about this for months and decided that today was the day.

Do you read Clover Lane? Have I posted about her blog before? I love reading her entries.

Here is one of her posts that I've really connected with and have passed on her thoughts to my clients. Part of my job is to get parents to sit on the floor and PLAY with their children... to show them how fun and rewarding it truly can be. Part of the convincing is telling them that it will likely HELP them FEEL better and help their children play more independently. It works!

Matt and I had a conversation about this last weekend. We couldn't wait to spend time with Ethan after our overnight trip to a wedding (Ethan stayed at home with his Nama and Narnold). We were both anxious to reconnect with our boy. After playing with us for a short while Ethan was running off on his own and entertaining himself. Independent play is also important and what a nice way to encourage it!

Dealing with tantrums

2010-07-27T10:31:00.002-04:00

I would like to say more about these techniques but I don't have much time to post today. As I've posted before, we have been learning and working on effective ways to deal with Ethan's tantrums.

I came across this blog post and article. I finally had a moment to read it this morning. I have to say that we have been using these same techniques with Ethan (started before I read the post) and they are productive! It is reassuring to know that we are using research based techniques and have seen success with them. Choices, distraction, brief statements, affection... all positive tools!

I will say that depending on the tantrum, sometimes Ethan does need a moment or two by himself before we approach him again. We aren't ignoring every tantrum but sometimes we tell him that we will give him a moment to calm down/to himself (not expecting him to calm down by himself) and we will be right back. When we come back, we begin the other techniques and try again. This was suggested in The Happiest Toddler on the Block, which I also highly recommend.

First injury

2010-07-24T20:45:00.005-04:00

Although it creates challenges, I'm proud that Ethan is feisty and determined. I'm also happy that he does have some laid back tendencies (thanks to Matt). We've been dealing with separation anxiety for months. I'm currently reading Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Separation Anxiety Solution. I learned about separation anxiety in my college courses and techniques on dealing with it through my work with families, but her book has already taught me even more. We hope her suggested techniques will assist us through this time. We would like to do whatever we can to make the transitions easier on Ethan and us. It's heart aching to watch him melt down when he hears the car keys or senses that it's time for Matt or me to leave him.

Ethan cries every day when Matt leaves for work and on the days when I drop him off at school. The crying and tantrums are short lived and he is able to be redirected but his meltdowns have caused injuries. He drops to the ground and throws his head to the floor. Sometimes he'll bang his head into the ground, leaving a red mark that usually clears quickly. One day Ethan was having a tougher time transitioning and started to tantrum while we were in the bathroom. He was slamming the bathroom cabinet doors, letting me know that he was not happy about Daddy leaving. I saw his hand was headed for the bathroom drawer and I went to reach for him but I was too late. He pulled the drawer out and it landed on his foot. I'll never forget the look of shock on his face and then his scream. His foot turned purple and swelled immediately. I scooped him up and attempted to put an ice pack on it but he kept pushing it off. He couldn't walk on it. I try not to joke about this but he looked like he was doing this move from the Karate Kid :)

I called his doctor, just in case. I really didn't think it was broken. They scheduled us an appointment for that afternoon. By the time of his appointment he was beginning to use his injured foot so I was doubting a fracture/break even more. His doctor sent us for xrays. I didn't think about the fact that I was pregnant and wouldn't be permitted in the xray room with him. I had to hand him off to two technicians and listen to him cry for me from the waiting room next door. They thought they had gotten sufficient pictures of his foot and stated that there were no fractures. His doctor suggested Motrin for the pain and to try to keep him off of it as much as possible (easier said than done... he's a toddler!). I sent him to school the next day, sans shoes, and passed the instructions on to his teachers.

Over the next 4 weeks Ethan ran, kicked balls, and continued his other usual activities. I noticed that he limped occasionally. I continued inspecting the injured area of his foot and grew concerned that after 4 weeks his foot still had a bump and bruise. I took him back to the pediatrician who sent us for more xrays. This time I called Matt to meet us there. Matt went back with Ethan to have the xrays taken and said that it was difficult to hold Ethan still for them. I can't imagine how difficult it was for the technicians during the first set of xrays. The new xrays revealed that Ethan's little foot is in fact fractured! My poor boy has been walking around with a fractured foot for 4 weeks! The doctor felt that it appeared to be healing on it's own so it did not need to be in a cast. We are thankful for that and hope that it continues to heal on it's own. We were instructed to limit his activity so he hasn't been running around as much. We'll return to the doctor to have it rechecked in another week.

The corner of the drawer caused a little cut too :(

p.s. Today is Ethan's 18 month birthday. This boy has been bringing us joy every single day for 18 months!

My 2nd pregnancy

2010-07-19T22:00:00.000-04:00

I should start apologizing to baby #2 already. I'm ~~18 weeks along~~ nearly half way through (this post has been in drafts for a while) and I haven't posted anything about this pregnancy.

The first thing that comes to mind is how different it has been from my pregnancy with Ethan. I'll be honest and say that it's been more difficult. Having a toddler to take care of, weaning and worrying about his nutrition, a house to sell, searching for a house to buy, work, family, friends, and all the miscellaneous in between are all balls that I've tried to juggle at once while worn out and sick from this pregnancy. Several of those balls have been dropped a time or two or ten. Thank God for my wonderful husband who is there to pick up those dropped balls and me. He has taken on more than ever over the past few months.

Morning sickness ... that term is a joke. This time around it was more like the worst hangover you've ever had, 24/7, and for added suffering throw in a stomach virus on top it every evening. It started earlier this time and lasted much longer. With my first I felt much better by 11-12 weeks. This time I was still suffering from constant nausea at 16 weeks.

Matt was working until 6 and 7pm during the first few weeks and I didn't think I was going to make it. I do believe there were evenings that I called him in tears telling him that I didn't think I could do it. And by it, I mean simple things like sit on the floor and play with Ethan or feed him dinner. There were some nights that I was so exhausted, I fell asleep while cuddling with Ethan before 7pm. Matt will joke about this but there seriously were nights when I went straight to sleep after putting Ethan to bed at 8:15pm. I dealt with the sickness and exhaustion during my 1st trimester with Ethan too but both were more intense this time. The "tricks" and "cures" that worked during my first pregnancy were not as miraculous this time around. What worked one day seemed to make me feel worse the next.

Morning sickness gave way to headaches, which gave way to acid reflux - ALREADY! I didn't experience acid reflux with Ethan until I was more than 30 weeks pregnant. With this baby it started at 18.5 weeks.

Some will guess that my symptoms point to the possibility of this baby being a girl. Others will say that I experienced all of this because it gets more difficult with each pregnancy. Either way, I'm surviving but I'm probably complaining a lot more.

I'm anxious for my 20 wk ultra sound and to know if the baby has a cleft lip or not. Now if they could only tell whether or not the baby will have allergies or intolerances by looking at the ultra sound! If that were the case, I might be more prepared. I think about these things every day. I worry. I wonder. But I know whatever is meant to be will be. It has already been decided and we will work through whatever challenges we are given.

I started showing earlier and gained weight more quickly with baby #2. When I found out I was pregnant I was about 20lbs below my 2008 pre-pregnancy weight. In 2008, I had put on weight during infertility treatments and this time I was down below what I weighed in college due to the allergen free diet. The weight has been coming on quickly... I'm sure it is because I CAN EAT nearly everything again. I don't think I gained any weight with my first pregnancy until I was closer to 20 weeks. This time I put on 15lbs by 18 weeks.

I started feeling the baby move much earlier. I was shocked when I started feeling movement around 14 weeks! I can feel the baby move by putting my hand on my stomach too, but the baby moves so quickly and doesn't kick in the same place twice so Matt hasn't felt any movement yet.

My food aversions are different this time. With Ethan, I couldn't stand even the thought of chicken. With this baby I love chicken and can not stand beef. I also can't handle the smell of potatoes ... even french fries make me want to gag. I haven't had any long term cravings. With my first pregnancy I wanted to eat Mexican food all the time. My cravings change nearly every day.

There are some similarities... At 19 weeks, 3 days, I think the shape of my belly is the same. Who knows if that will change or if it means anything at all, but I look the same as I did when I was this far along with Ethan. My skin is just as sensitive as it was when I was pregnant with Ethan. I sunburn pretty easily and the burn stays red forever instead of tanning fairly quickly. I have bouts of being overly emotional just like I did when I was pregnant with Ethan. A simple thought or song can send me into tears.

Conceiving without treatments... Some of my PCOS symptoms had returned in Dec 2009. Then suddenly, for the first time, maybe ever, I had signs of ovulation in March or April 2010 (it was a long cycle so I can't remember exactly when). I have seen a couple of doctors and midwives who have agreed that continuing to breastfeed Ethan could very well be the reason why I was able to ovulate on my own. It could have been just the right amount of nursing (I had cut out night time nursing) that allowed my body to balance out some hormones. We'll never know if that is the reason we were able to conceive this child without infertility treatments but it may have helped!

I'm halfway through the pregnancy and it still feels surreal. Matt and I talk often about how we can't believe how blessed we are, how we can't believe another baby is coming! Although we were hoping and planning to have another, we didn't think that we would go through infertility treatments again... for several reasons, including the fact that I was still nursing, the financial aspect, the stress of it all, and the logistics... we had Ethan and couldn't just take off to the fertility clinic at 7am several days a week. We had talked about the possibility of Ethan being an only child and although it wasn't what we had planned and hoped for, we talked about how if that were the case, we would have accepted that our family of 3 was what we were meant to be. Ethan is an incredible blessing and we are thankful for him. This new baby is a wonderful addition to our blessings and he/she isn't even here yet!

Weaning

2010-07-11T20:59:00.000-04:00

Our journey through weaning...

Our journey was much quicker than I anticipated but the story and details are not so this is a long post. I never officially decided when I would stop nursing Ethan. I would give different answers when people asked and their responses were entertaining. Sometimes I thought I'd nurse him until he self-weaned. I had fears of him weaning prior to turning one-year-old but that wasn't Ethan. He was a strong nurser and it was very much a part of his daily routine. He signed for milk as soon as he woke in the morning and routinely throughout the day. Other times I thought I'd nurse him until he was two years old as the WHO recommends. I also considered extended breastfeeding and continuing until he outgrew his intolerance and allergy to cow's milk.

When I found out I was pregnant again I started researching breastfeeding during pregnancy and tandem nursing. I met with a nutritionist to be sure I was getting everything I needed to nurture myself, Ethan, and the baby. I spoke with my LC and set a tentative plan. I would continue breastfeeding as long as it worked for us. It worked well until he was about 15.5 months old. My milk changed due to pregnancy and I don't think Ethan was getting as much as he had been used to. His nursing habits changed and he was becoming frustrated daily. Instead of 4-5 times a day, Ethan was asking to nurse more than 8 times a day and I couldn't keep up. He became aggressive and started hitting when he wasn't getting as much milk as he wanted. I may have been able to work through those challenges, but being sick while continuing my diet, free of Ethan's allergens, was just too much for me to handle. None of the foods I was allowed to eat sounded appetizing and some of them sent me dry heaving. I needed to be able to eat whatever sounded good at the moment and that wasn't possible if I was going to continue nursing Ethan. I was beginning to feel weak and unhealthy.

Tantrums, what seemed like never-ending and painful nursing sessions, aggressive behavior from Ethan, constant nausea, exhaustion, and pregnancy hormones caused it all to come crashing down (not to mention the fact that there was added stress with trying to sell our house and find a new one). After much thought and discussion, we decided to wean Ethan.

I spoke with his pediatrician, allergist, my LC, and the nutritionist about our options. Matt and I decided that we would wean Ethan to hemp milk. This decision was difficult because as with most things related to allergies, all of these doctors and specialists had different opinions. The pediatrician suggested almond milk because he felt Ethan's peanut allergy does not mean he has a tree nut allergy. The allergist disagreed with the pediatrician's suggestion. The allergist suggested we stay away from tree nuts until Ethan is 3 years old. The allergist also suggested prescription formula. We had already started giving Ethan the hemp milk. The LC suggested waiting until Ethan was fully weaned before introducing the prescription formula. She feared the nasty tasting formula would deter Ethan from drinking anything but breastmilk. Once again, I'm glad we followed her suggestion. Once Ethan was no longer nursing and was drinking a few cups of hemp milk a day, we tried to introduce vanilla flavored Neocate. He took one sip and refused the cup. We tried it several times. We tried the unflavored Neocate and he barely had a sip before tossing the cup aside and absolutely refusing to go near the cup of formula again. I don't blame him because just the smell of the unflavored Neocate nearly made us vomit. I tried flavoring the unflavored version, thinking that perhaps the vanilla pre-flavored version was too strong of a taste for him. That attempt was also unsuccessful. He was not going to drink that formula. The allergist has given us samples of a prescription juice called EO28 splash. Ethan will not drink ANY type of juice whether it is watered down or not. We have tried a few kinds and he is not interested in any of them. It's strange because he loves fruit and loves fruit strips but not fruit juice.

We are very thankful that Ethan enjoys the hemp milk. We have been continuing hemp milk and the diet that the nutritionist approved. At first we gave Ethan the Living Harvest Original Hemp Milk but then discovered that they make an unflavored version. The original version has sugar in it so we'd prefer he have the unflavored version. We have been putting half of each of those two into his sippy cups and slowly adding more of the unflavored to our ratio.

The details of how we weaned...
I planned to slowly cut out nursing sessions but that method was not working for Ethan. His personality led us to more of a "cold turkey" approach. We went from 5+ to 0 nursing sessions in 4 days.

I knew the first morning nursing session would be the most difficult to eliminate. Every morning he signed for milk as soon as he saw one of us and whined/tantrumed until he nursed (this started months before weaning). We decided to have Matt go in to get Ethan out of his crib in the morning and bring him straight downstairs for some hemp milk and breakfast. Ethan was upset the first couple of days and the only thing that calmed him down was eating a Clif's Kid's fruit strip. I wasn't going to give in, nurse him, and confuse him so we gave in to a fruit strip. I didn't go downstairs until after Ethan was calmly drinking his cup and eating his fruit strip. After about a week, Ethan started eating a banana instead of a fruit strip first thing in the morning.

Ethan would ask to nurse if he saw my breasts. Then a few weeks before weaning he started tantruming to nurse if he saw them. During weaning and for weeks after I had to be strategic about when I took a shower and got dressed to make sure Ethan did not see me. It was easier to avoid the tantrum then it was to distract him or redirect him.

I'm amazed at how quickly Ethan stopped asking to nurse (I think it was within 2-4 weeks) and I wonder if he remembers nursing at all now.

I have to say that Ethan had a much easier time with weaning than I anticipated. There were less tantrums during the days of weaning and after then there were during the weeks of nursing him while pregnant. This fact alone makes me feel as though weaning when we did was the best decision for all of us.

New habits after weaning...
Prior to weaning Ethan only used a pacifier at naptime and bedtime. He didn't ask for it at other times. He started using it more often after weaning. If he saw one then he wanted it. This lasted for about 2 months. I have recently started only giving a pacifier to him when he is in his crib. I ask him to throw the pacifier into his crib when I pick him up after he wakes. He complies with a smile. I think he thinks it is a game. Thanks to Kim for this idea!

I'm not sure if it has to do with weaning or if it is an unrelated behavior but Ethan has become much more affectionate and cuddly. He's a very active toddler but has been taking more time to curl up next to us.

I was dreading the weaning process but Ethan made it easier than I ever thought it could be.

I think about how fortunate we were that breastfeeding worked out for us. I am incredibly thankful for it. I think about the difficult parts...
the pain from severe engorgement
the learning curve in the beginning
the leaking
pumping and pumping and pumping
nursing and pumping sessions in the car
his refusal to take a bottle after months of taking one 3 days a week
racing to his daycare to nurse him until he started taking a sippy cup
rotating little bottles and bags of breastmilk through the refrigerator and freezer
the devastation of losing so much hard earned milk to freezers thawing
scheduling my life and work around nursing and pumping
living without so many of my favorite foods
adjusting to the new diet and lifestyle
persevering through the isolation of such a limited diet, the questions, the criticisms, etc.

ALL of it was worth it and I would do it infinite times again if I needed to. Nursing Ethan for 15.5 months, allergen free, is one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. Some parts of that were hard and some parts were so easy.

I look at this photo and first I think how cute, strong, and determined my baby is ... and then I think ... LOOK at those rolls! My milk helped this baby grow. My body did that! I'm so proud and thankful.

Developmental Update 16-17 months

2010-07-11T13:14:00.026-04:00

It's hard to believe my baby will be a year and a half old soon! He still amazes us every day.

Between May 24-June24, 2010 Ethan accomplished the following developments:

-learned to say a lot of new words. I have a running list and his vocabulary is up to over 35 words (already posted. This post has been in draft for a while).
-learned to run in place after we asked him to. A family member asked us why we taught him this and the only reason I could think of is that it's funny to watch. It's so cute to see him follow direction and move those little legs! Yes, he's our entertainment.
-learned to hike a ball (another really funny thing to see)
-says "hot" for both hot and cold. He was also saying "up" for both up and down but learned to say "down" too.
-we survived our first night away from Ethan. We have gone to weddings and concerts where we've left him with family during the late afternoon and returned home after midnight, but we were never away from him for more than 24 hours before. Ethan's great aunt and uncle came to stay with him and all 3 of them had a great time at home while Matt and I enjoyed our time in State College.
-is obsessed with playing outside. He stands by the door and begs us by saying "owside".
-is mimicking us all the time. Matt was doing push ups one day and Ethan tried joining in! Now he'll practice his push ups if we ask him to! Again, pure amusement.
-learned to climb down stairs in a safe manner. He was attempting to go face first and it was scary! After some prompting of "feet first" and "on your belly" he can safely make it down the stairs with our hands in reach, just in case.
-started walking up the stairs instead of crawling! He holds our hands, the wall, or banister rails. Watching him do this really makes him seem like such a big boy!
-says "two" whenever we are counting things, such as his toes. He has started to do it on his own now too!
-recently started to enjoy watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
-has very sweet morning and bedtime routines.

Morning: Ethan wakes us up between 6-6:30am. Matt brings Ethan, a banana, a sippy cup of water, and Kix into bed with us. We DVR Wheel of Fortune from the night before and play it every morning while Ethan eats his banana and Kix. After he's done eating he cuddles up to us for the rest of the show. Every time a commercial comes on, he lets us know (usually our eyes are still resting) by saying "uh oh".

Evening: Play outside, dinner, play inside, bath. After bath time we let him run around naked while we attempt to apply his lotion. We put his diaper and pajamas on him. Then we cuddle in our bed while we watch a few minutes of Deal or No Deal and he drinks his hemp milk. We go to his room to read books and a few more cuddles before he points to his crib to let us know that he's ready for bed. He's in his crib soothing himself to sleep around 8:15pm.

We love that he is a cuddly kid and especially enjoy that time since he's no longer nursing. I didn't think we would introduce television shows specifically for him until after he was 2 years old. The two game shows (and Mickey at another random time, usually morning while I'm getting ready) have become part of our daily routine. It works for us, we're ok with that, and I don't feel bad about it anymore. He isn't being babysat by the television, it's for limited amounts of time, he has plenty of independent play and play time with mom and dad, along with other positives (outside, books, etc). I saw a commercial for Jeopardy where a contestant said he learned the alphabet by watching Wheel of Fortune. He said the act of the Wheel of Fortune contestant would calling the letter, Pat repeating it, and then Vanna showing the letter all helped him learn the alphabet. Maybe Ethan will be a contestant on Jeopardy one day :)

Enjoying bubbles at Jill and Mark's Memorial Day party

His first time playing in a sprinkler and he LOVED it! I was surprised at how quickly he went to it and started playing.

Playing ball is still his favorite. He loves throwing and kicking.

First time in his pool.
All of his loves surrounding him... us, balls, bubbles, water, and music! We was playing the "air piano" to music our neighbors were playing :)

Running around at my surprise 30th bday party.

Watching the World Cup with Daddy.

For the record, I despise the new changes to uploading pictures to post using blogger. In each of my recent posts, I can't get captions under the photos, somehow a picture is posted then doesn't show up, and it's just an overall PAIN!

Ethan's current vocabulary

2010-07-04T08:19:00.000-04:00

At 17 months Ethan has more than 35 words.
He says the following without prompting:

Bubble
Uh-oh
Ball
That ("what's that" combo sounds like "at's that", and "that's a ball" combo sounds like "at-sa ball")
Apple
Mmm (whenever he's hungry, as a yes response if we ask him if he wants to eat, and when he smells something good)
Da-da
Daddy
Up
Down
Basketball which sometimes sounds like baskeeetball
Choo choo
"Owside" for Outside
Tree
Pool
See (we hear "I see" when he wants to see the photos/video on the camera/computer)
Hi
Bye-bye
Deal
"Dat Doo" for thank you
Hot
Beep
Toot (yes, he tell us)
"Scuse" for excuse me...after he toots
Poop (he combines "I poop")
Pee Pee (As in pee pee on the potty. Sometimes he says "peep" instead.)
"pee-ew" (His sandals make his feet stinky!)
Maaa (but only when he's mad or whining)
Bowl
Two
Hat
"Scoo" for school
Keys
Boppy/Bobby for Mommy

The next list are words he says when we ask him to say them:
Vuv for love
Ba-Ba for Mama
Arpame for airplane
Help

He's starting to become a little less shy with talking around other people. He saves most of his words for us when we're at home and he's most comfortable or in the car. He does not say yes or no yet but smiles and giggles when the answer is yes and shakes his head no.

A new Bobby

2010-07-03T21:14:00.001-04:00

It seems Ethan has forgotten how to say the "m" sound, except when he is upset. He used to say "Mama" but recently if you ask him to say Mama, he says "Baba". If you ask him to say Mommy, he says "Bobby" or "Boppy". If you ask him to say Moo, he says "Boo". It's all very cute. Today he reached for me and whispered "Bobby". It melted my heart. When he's upset or tantruming he'll yell or whine "Maaa" or what sounds like "Mom mom moommm" but only then do we hear the "m" sound. I have no idea how long this phase will last but I don't mind being his "Bobby" one bit. Actually, I love it.

Developmental Updates, 15-16 months old

2010-06-21T09:37:00.002-04:00

April 25-May 24, 2010, 15-16 months old:
-started saying "baby" whenever he sees one. This turned into calling anyone his size or smaller "baby".
-starting to run more often and running faster
-loved eating his buckwheat pancakes with a fork. This started when he asked me for my fork. I was surprised at how quickly he picked up this skill.
-we started weaning. I hope to create a post specifically on our journey through weaning but for now I'll summarize and say that weaning was necessary. I was too sick from my pregnancy to continue Ethan's allergen-free diet. I NEEDED a cracker, toast, etc.
-he nursed one last time and now loves hemp milk
-ate hemp milk ice cream for the first time. He made a confused face after the first bite but then loved it and asked for more.
-started eating Clif's Kids Organic Fruit Strips. He loves them. At first we peeled the twists apart or broke off small pieces for him but a few short weeks later he can handle the whole fruit strip on his own.
-started eating organic corn tortilla strips
-learned to blow on food to cool it down. He touches it, says "hot", and knows to blow on it to cool it down!
-started pointing to his crib at the end of our bedtime routine. We put him in completely awake, say "I love you" and "nighty-night" and he falls asleep on his own, very well. This was huge for us b/c nursing made him drowsy at bedtime and we were concerned b/c there was no more nursing.
-fell in LOVE with watching Deal or No Deal. He looks at the television and says "deal!"
-we stopped using a sound machine at night. We used to use the Homemedics Sound Spa Lullaby set on rain every night, all night. Matt forgot to put it on one night and Ethan didn't sleep any differently so we stopped using it.
-he loves eating with utensils. He eats applesauce and other pureed foods with a spoon very well. He started to refuse to eat some vegetables such as carrots and green beans when they were steamed and cut up for him. He gladly eats them pureed on his own so we continue to give him purees. I know it sounds crazy to give a 16-month-old pureed food (especially one with 16 teeth!) but he's getting the vegetables he needs, mastering a new skill of using a spoon, and gaining confidence with this new skill. It's a win-win!
-walks all over the house while kicking balls around
-started following a couple of two-step directions
-started saying "baskeeetball", especially during bath time when playing with a set similar to this. He actually went through a stage where he hated bath time and this toy stopped the screaming and crying.
-started engaging other children in play. We still see parallel play during play dates but it's neat to see this social skill developing. He tries to get other children to chase him, play peek-a-boo, and other games.
-started playing the "air piano" when he hears music.
-He loves to play outside.
-He mastered kicking balls (from golf balls to his big orange ball)

Practicing kicking/dribbling the ball.

Ethan's favorite game in May... Matt runs and kicks the ball while holding him. Ethan gets to enjoy the game w/o doing any work.

Mastering using utensils

Cuddle time with Momma when I wasn't feeling well.

He still enjoys his toy piano when he's not playing the "air piano".

First hemp milk ice cream treat

Developmental Updates, 14-15 months old

2010-06-12T16:26:00.000-04:00

March 25-April 24, 2010, 14-15 months old:
-attended his friend Jackson's first birthday party. He napped through the first half of it!
-gained a lot more balance
-standing for even longer period of time
-took 3 unprompted steps
-said "uh oh" all the time
-ate Oatie-O cereal (which contains rice and he seems to be fine with the minimal amount in it)
-took 5 unprompted steps as he walked toward a ball to kick it!
-celebrated his 2nd Easter. He loved the plastic Easter eggs and called them "balls"
-since he couldn't have a chocolate Easter bunny candy or anything like that I let him lick some of the batter from his buckwheat cocoa cake (no eggs or other harmful raw ingredients so no worries)
-ate ham at Easter and really enjoyed it
-lower left cuspid FINALLY broke through which makes for tooth #16. Once these newer teeth are fulling through it will give us a break from teething until his two-year-old molars start coming in. Ethan has been teething nearly non-stop for nearly a year!
-learned he was going to be a big brother. Well, really he has no idea but WE learned that we're having another little miracle. More on that in another post.
-said "choo choo" for the first time. He loves going grocery shopping and watching the choo choo in Wegmans. We went to another store for a few things mid-week and he looked around for the choo choo.
-walked across a room on his own ... took about 15 steps
-learned to stand without the help of furniture or someone else
-learned to stand, balance, and throw a ball over his head
-started walking everywhere and barely crawling. He went from taking 3 steps to barely ever crawling in 3 short weeks
-loves playing in the shower while we shower and then running around naked afterward. This is the first time he ran/walked really fast.
-tried quinoa pasta but he wasn't crazy about it
-started eating oatmeal on 4/16/10. We later learned that this was a huge mistake. More on that later.
-started calling the vacuum "bubble". He LOVES the vacuum at home and loves to chase it around while we vacuum but can't quite pronounce the word yet so it sounds like bubble. Even though he loved the vacuum at home he was afraid of the one at school for a while but overcame that fear.
-ate chicken breast and enjoyed it
-Ethan had his 2nd stomach bug. Poor baby was sick for days. I was also sick from my pregnancy and we needed to rest on the sofa so I turned to the television. Initially we weren't going to turn on the TV for his viewing pleasure (special shows just for him) until after he was 2 but desperate times called for help from the television. First I tried putting on Sesame Street for him but he wasn't interested. Second I tried Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and then a few other cartoons but he had no interest. My son LOVES gameshows. His first favorite was Wheel of Fortune but he also enjoys Family Feud. Thank goodness for the Game Show Network!

Developmental updates, 13-14 months old

2010-06-12T15:55:00.002-04:00

February 25-March 24, 2010, 13-14 months old:
-upper right cuspid broke through
-ate tater tots
-started walking while holding our hands, then only one of our hands
-started walking more steadily with a push toy
-started taking bites out of larger chunks of food instead of trying to shove the whole piece in his mouth
-said bye then buh-bye
-making the "s" sound then laughing. He cracks up when we say "ssssnake!"
-said "uh uh" for "uh oh".
-ate broccoli for the first time
-lower right cuspid, tooth #15, broke through
-started pushing cars
-repeated us when we said "baby"
-made kissing sound for the first time
-started walking a lot while holding only one of our hands for balance
-took a few prompted first steps between mom and dad
-started standing by himself for longer periods of time
-repeated us when we prompted him to say "up" and "hot". Whenever he would whine for us to pick him up we repeated the word and asked him to say "up".
-started kicking a ball while we helped him walk (holding his hands and walking with him). Yes, he learned to kick a ball before he could walk on his own :)
-took 3 steps in a row with our prompting (asking him to walk between us)

A title!!!

2010-06-12T14:20:00.000-04:00

I did it! I think I fixed my missing title issue on this blog. After some google searching I found the answer here. I don't know how in the world I changed that at some point but I'm so happy to have it fixed. The lack of a title was irritating me and I was frustrated with not being able to fix it. I was avoiding blogging but hope to be back soon. We have a lot going on right now and those are the things that are really keeping me from blogging but I think my energy is returning...

Blogging hiatus

2010-05-15T16:51:00.001-04:00

Was completely unintentional. I have so much to share. Too much for one post.
Somehow, during my hiatus, Ethan turned 15 (and now nearly 16) months old! My sweet boy is growing even sweeter. Detailed update on him to come...

First, my blog is messed up. I have no idea what happened. I've tried to add a cute photo header but it just won't show up after saving. Ugh. Now there is no space for a title when I click on "new post". Anyone reading have ideas on how to fix this?

I never returned to my 40 bags in 40 days posts but believe me, I more than met my commitment. Although, I have to say that it may have been a bit unfair since we went into crazy de-clutter mode in order to put our house on the market.

We listed our house for sale, had 2 competing offers, one contract, resulting in one broken contract, and are currently taking a break. Keeping the house clean has been interesting with a 15-month-old. There is usually a mad dash of put aways and touch ups hours before showings.

We have been very busy touring more than 25 homes so far. We began our search out of our "comfort zone" of the local area that we are so accustomed to, but have reigned our search back in to this area again. There were a couple of houses that we considered but nothing that felt right. At this point we're seriously considering staying in our current home for a while longer. There have been a lot of signs pointing us right back here. We have a lot of changes on the horizon and it might be the smartest move to just stay put. We'll see...

--I started this post on 4/22/10. It's 5/15/10. Needless to say, things are crazy here.
Two years ago today we found out that we were expecting our first baby. One of the greatest moments of my life... http://www.youtube.com/user/cvm2005#p/u/4/ljNg2puC0oQ

Days with my father

2010-03-16T21:15:00.004-04:00

I came across this site a couple of weeks ago and have been meaning to share it. It's moving. Amazing. Inspirational. Extraordinary.

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/

The photos and story evoke overwhelming emotion.

It makes me wonder what role I'll play in caring for my grandfather who will turn 79 in a few weeks. What role will I play in caring for my own father? It also makes me wonder if Matt, Ethan, and I will have a similar story someday.

Toothbrush

2010-03-04T21:40:00.003-05:00

We're crazy about this toothbrush. I found it at TJMaxx for less than $10. Ethan has gone from major meltdown when we take him out of the bathtub to nearly asking for bath time to be over so that he can brush his teeth. I ask him if he wants to brush his teeth and he reaches up for me to get him out of the tub. Let me tell you, any help during the after bath skin care/eczema, routine/maintenance is very much appreciated.

The gum massage attachment helps with teething too!

12-13 months

2010-02-27T13:37:00.016-05:00

I decided to break Ethan's development recap into one month rather than two this time since he's met so many milestones/had so many firsts over the past few weeks.

-We started off with his first stomach bug after his first birthday party :( He was quite a trooper through it all. He was hesitant to eat for a few days afterward. He only nursed and ate apple sauce for about two days. My poor baby.

-He started a phase where he loves to push buttons (including mine). If a toy has a button to push, he finds it, although his favorite buttons are on the DVD player.

{This is the Little People School Bus. Thanks Emily, John, and Brynne! He loves to push the driver's head and make the bus honk or sing.}

-We witnessed his first attempted to feed himself with a spoon. We're continuing to work on this skill.

-He learned the twinkling hand motions for "Twinke, Twinkle Little Star". He does it when you ask him to get his twinklers out.

-Ethan started stacking blocks

-He experienced more snow! 22 inches on Feb 6th and about 12 more inches on Feb 10th.

We have a great video of him laughing at Matt throwing snowballs at the storm door. I need to figure out how to upload videos to a post or upload it to our youtube page soon!

-He went bowling for the first time at his cousin Scotty's 4th birthday party

{See our ball way down there next to the gutter?}

-He went through a stage where he wanted to use his pacifier more during the day and I think it was prompted by teething. We try to limit pacifier use to naptime and bedtime.

-Speaking of teething, his Upper Left Cuspid, Upper Right Cuspid, Lower Left First Molar, and Lower Right First Molar broke through... All in a 4 week time span. The Cuspids tips have broken through but they haven't come in completely yet. It seems those are taking forever compared to his other teeth.

-His language development is progressing. He continues to say "a dat?" and point when he is inquiring about everything. He says "is dis?" too. For a few days his favorite phrase was "O Gawh" which sounded like "Oh God". At nearly 13 months Ethan said his first unprompted, very clear word which was "Bubble". We were reading this book before bed. We got to the page that says "Where are Baby's hands?" and under the flap it says "Under the bubbles". Before I could even say it, he took his pacifier out of his mouth and said, in the sweetest voice, "bubble". He is also showing word association as he said bubble when I had a bottle of bubbles out to blow for him. Most recently he has been saying "bapple" for apple, one of his favorite foods. He has started to sound like a monkey when he says "eh, eh, eh". He says this when he wants something but can't communicate what it is.

-Ethan's new foods this month were black beans and turkey lunch meat. Both are also current favorite foods. We attempted chicken breast, ground turkey, and ground chicken but he didn't care for the textures. As soon as we put them in his mouth he spit them back out. While grocery shopping one day I asked the deli counter if they had any dairy and soy free lunch meat. They suggested "Just Turkey", no butter injected, no added flavoring, no preservatives. I worry about cross contamination but so far Ethan doesn't seem to be showing any reactions and he absolutely loves it. He ate an entire slice as we finished our grocery shopping and continued to sign for more. Also on the food front... I have been able to introduce decaf coffee with coconut milk into my diet. What a treat! Unfortunately, Ethan showed a reaction to rice. We attempted giving him bananas and rice. Although he enjoyed eating it, he had black bowel movements afterward. Ethan's pediatrician stated that it was not a good sign and for both of us to stop consuming rice.

He loved the tastes of the homemade marshmallow he had for his Valentine photos.

-He also started making a cute, scrunchie nose face when he smiles. I love it.

He started sharing his food with us too. I can't tell you how many slightly soggy Kix I've eaten from his hands.

-He crawled backwards for the first time and started crawling on his hands and knees much more often. Now, at the end of the month he has almost completely given up his army crawl. Once he realized that he can crawl just as fast on his hands and knees he stopped moving to his army crawl. I miss it.

-He learned to cruise around the furniture very quickly and has gained enough balance to stand on his own for a few seconds

-He was given a ride on/walker toy as a first birthday gift from friends. It's an ice cream truck and has treats under the seat. He loves to hide just about anything that will fit in there. He started walking on his knees while pushing it and is up to his feet now. After he became more comfortable walking with this toy he allowed us to hold his hands to help him walk. Previously he wanted nothing to do with that. If we attempted holding his hands and encouraging him to walk, he would plant his feet or sit down in refusal. He knows what he wants and doesn't want and is not afraid to voice it.

{The serious, determined look on his face makes me smile.}

-Unfortunately he started having more aggressive tantrums. He started hitting me, toys, and friends out of frustration, curiosity, and anger. This has been a challenge because of his age. He isn't quite old enough for the discipline methods we had in mind for dealing with behaviors like these (think timeout). At first we tried holding his hand and saying "We don't hit." or "No hitting." in a calm but stern voice. That only seemed to encourage the behavior. He would hit again and more forcefully. If we continued to address the behavior that way it lead to a full-on tantrum with arms, legs, and head flailing. At that point I put him down and the tantrum intensified. I sat on the floor next to him. Once he calmed down and wasn't aggressive, I picked him back up. We took opportunities when his hands were near our faces to say "Nice" and show him soft touches. That worked for a while. Anytime I said "Nice", he stroked my cheeks instead of hitting me. We decided to try to ignore the hitting. This tactic seemed to work much better. His hitting has decreased tremendously. Sadly, he still hit a friend several times last week (so sorry Jackson!). I can't ignore that so I took Ethan away from playing and encouraged him to play nicely when we returned (BTW, Kim, I really liked how you said "Welcome back Ethan" each time. That is a great positive tool). We had a play date yesterday with Reagan and he did not hit her once. He patted her head when he was trying to move around a toy and she was blocking his way. Either it was a good day or he knows not to hit girls :) Either way, I'll take it!

I didn't anticipate having to deal with these behaviors this early. At his one year appointment his pediatrician stated "Children like Ethan grow up to be wonderful, productive, successful adults ... but they're difficult to raise.". I wasn't really surprised by her observation because I know he can be a challenge. A wonderful challenge but still, a challenge. He is determined. That determination can be difficult to handle but at the same time it gives me so much pride and hope for him. If he had a different personality then we could have had even more problems during his infancy. I believe that he survived so well through all of the digestive issues and allergies because he is a fighter.

{First facial bruise as a result of his tantrums. He threw his face to the floor three times during two separate tantrums. Natural consequence?}

40 bags update

2010-02-26T12:29:00.000-05:00

I've been busy going through rooms, closets, and cabinets. I've made some progress but I still have more to go! So far this has been a great experience. Our house feels roomier, brighter, and it's cleaner (thanks to my wonderful husband who has been cleaning as I organize).

First post about this here.
My list continues:
11. a duvet cover, shams, and two sets of sheets - donated

12. a smaller bag of clothes - donated
13. outdated papers from filing cabinet - shredded/garbage
14. old client files/paperwork - to my office to be shredded
15. magazines - will be donated to Ronald McDonald House in Hershey. They raised over $30,000 in 2008 with this program.
16. Bag of old handbags, a snowflake candle holder, and a shower curtain - donated

17. Bag with a clock, fake calla lilies and vase, a red hurricane, large spool of ribbon, and a few other random things - donated

18. Two diaper pails. These were given to us used before we decided to cloth diaper. - donated

19. A large box of old stuffed animals. They've been sitting in our garage forever and were in bad shape - garbage

Lover Boy

2010-02-21T13:41:00.006-05:00

When Matt was in grade school he was given the nickname "Lover Boy" because he was "dating" several girls in his class. I hear dating at that age included receiving bracelets from girls and holding hands.

We have a new Lover Boy in our family. The teachers at Ethan's school have been saying that he's a lover. Lately he's really been into giving hugs and kisses at home. Hopefully the fact that he's doing it there too is a sign that he is adjusting to his new room (the 1-2 year old room).

Matt came home for lunch one day and was greeted by our lover boy. (Ignore the major clutter in the background. It's not there any more!)

40 bags in 40 days

2010-02-17T22:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Lillian, I'll be joining the 40 bags in 40 days Lenten Challenge and I'm excited about it. Actually, I think Matt is even more psyched than I am. He de-clutters. I hold on to things. I think it stems from my childhood (likely excuse I know, but this reason is a reality). I had an unstable childhood, to put it briefly and kindly. We had to move often, leaving our friends and belongings behind. Once I had stability and things to hold on to ... I did. Now that I have the things to hold on to that matter (family, love, security), I don't feel the need to keep as many of the other things (material). I won't say that I'm completely transformed but I'm working on it.

In the spirit of the season of Lent, I will simplify.

This challenge couldn't have come at a better time for us. We have decided to change our guest bedroom into a play/craft/work space. We've had 3 overnight guests in that room over the past year. Three in a year. So, 362 days the room wasn't really used. Matt's clothes are in that closet, we've thrown clean laundry on the bed on occasion, and Matt has snoozed in there a few nights when I was snoring. We think we can get more use out of that room while still having room for overnight guests in our home. The next guests may be sleeping on an air mattress though. The bed is out of there and replaced with a desk/table and some toys. I'm searching for toy and craft supply storage now (any suggestions?). I'm also trying to figure out how I'll decorate the walls (suggestions also very welcome).

40 bags in 40 days:
1. bag of various junk from the guest room closet-garbage
2. television from guest room - donated
3. vcr from guest room - donated
4. old computer monitor - donated
5. large picture. I bought two for $10 at a warehouse sale. I thought I'd hang one (below) and reuse the frame from the other but I never got to that project - donated

6. box of books about wedding planning and 2 packs of printable place cards (we've been married for nearly 5 years. I have no purpose for these things.) - donated
7. old pillows - garbage
8. glass hurricane that I never really found a place for and a bag with two other wall hangings - donated
9. a queen-sized comforter and pillow shams - donated
10. a bag of outdoor Christmas bows and a wreath we hadn't used in years - donated

I'm starting off a little ahead but I plan to think about this and work on this for the next 39 days and hopefully beyond. Thinking about how uncluttered our house will become by Easter makes me happy.

As I was leaving the Salvation Army after dropping off these things this afternoon there was a second where I thought "Oh no, am I going to miss any of those things?". Then thought about how someone else will get use out of them and I felt relieved.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T08:30:00.003-05:00

We hope your day is filled with hugs and marshmallow covered kisses. Ours will be, I'm sure.

There's Something About Ethan

2010-02-12T09:32:00.000-05:00

Ethan gets small eczema patches on his head and we have to put a little Vanicream on them after his bath at night. It usually doesn't effect his hair very much ... until this day. He woke up looking a little Something About Mary-ish. It was so funny cute that I took a ton of pictures and we laughed about it all day.

I couldn't bare to fix it even when I dressed him for the day.

Even his whining and tantrum were cuter with his new 'do:

Activities around the house

2010-02-11T12:31:00.016-05:00

Ethan has toys. Too many toys. We rotate them in toy baskets and around the house. Just like when he was smaller, anything around the house can become a toy. His recent favorites include:

{Pulling tissues out of a box and putting them back in. Don't worry, we weren't wasteful. We used those tissues after his game. Well, except for the few that he shredded.}

{Emptying Matt's sock drawer. We set him up here while we're getting ready in the morning and he's sure to occupy himself for a few minutes. I think he thinks they're balls because he says "booom" or "buh" with each toss to the floor.}

{Emptying laundry baskets is fun too. Here is helping me organize his clean diaper laundry. In the background you can see that he dumped over another basket back there.}

{Banging on the dryer door is still fun but throwing the dryer balls in is even more fun! He also 'helps' put laundry into and pull it out of the dryer. He is never left unsupervised here because he can pull himself up on top of the door and I'm sure would try to climb into the dryer/pinch his fingers/etc. Again, we hear "boom" and "buh" for ball during this time.}

{Unraveling the toilet paper roll. He kind of sings while he does it. Again, we weren't wasteful and we used what he unraveled. I think I let him play this game more than Matt does. I find the roll on the back of the toilet so that Ethan doesn't get to it. I put it back on the holder and smile, thinking about the next time Ethan will see it hanging there, calling his name.}

{He helps me change his crib sheets. Who am I kidding? He just likes to climb over the mattress!}

{Pushing buttons on the DVD player.)

{Loading the dishwasher might be his favorite task. If he hears dishing clanking he comes racing over. He loves to push the drawer in. Apparently he thought that his car, ice cream cone, and snack trap needed to be washed too!}

First bday party slide show

2010-02-06T13:17:00.004-05:00

Ethan loves this slide show. They're photos from his first birthday party.
He says "dat" (as in what's that or I want that. He says it for just about everything right now.) when he sees a balloon or baby in one of the photos. He also said "Mmm" when he saw the photos of him and his cake. He makes us laugh!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com