Saturday, May 10, 2008

The insanity of the 2ww

For those not familiar with ttc (trying to conceive) lingo - 2ww is the 2 week wait between ovulation and finding out if you're pregnant or not. First, I should go back to report on the progress we made this cycle. It took 14 shots to grow one mature follicle on my right ovary, again (why is my left ovary lazy?). Although it was a lonely, single, mature follicle, it was "beautiful" according to our RE and I couldn't agree more. It was perfectly round, full, and looked ready to release one perfect egg. I wanted to take a picture of it on the ultra sound monitor but I didn't want to jinx ourselves or be sad to have the picture if it doesn't turn out to be our baby.

This is our 5th medicated cycle and 3rd cycle with the same injection regimen. If things do not work out again this cycle, then we will meet with the RE to re-evaluate our treatment plan. I know it seems pessimistic to talk about the "if this doesn't work again" possibility, but it's necessary and actually productive. It helps to have a direction to look forward to since the possibility of it not working is real. It's a fine line to walk ... hopeful and realistic.

So, the 2ww... often turns my normal functioning self into an analyzing, distracted FREAK. The first week isn't so bad b/c the freedom from needles, doctor appointments, & ultra sounds feels... well...FREEING! The second week, I have these back and forth conversations with myself about ...
Am I pregnant? No, don't get hopes up too high. But if I were, the baby would be due (insert various due dates here). It probably didn't work again. But if it did work, imagine how wonderful it would be to share the news with Matt ...
Then I just get upset with myself for getting my hopes up again. I've read about others who are ttc having similar conversations/arguments with themselves so I'm not completely insane - yet.

I think Matt has similar thoughts about it too. Last cycle he would make comments about how he was trying not to get his hopes up too high so that he wouldn't be as disappointed, but then I'd catch him participating in conversations about having a baby by a certain time next year. I would take even more pain from this process if it helped him feel less.

1 comment:

  1. you are not insane! well....maybe you are- but if you are, then I am too! lol...
    it is so hard to stay balanced. I have my fingers crossed for you!