It's a...

One boy, one girl and we couldn't be happier.  I look forward to watching Ethan grow into his role of a big brother to his little sister.  I can't wait to meet her.

Our 20wk ultrasound revealed a healthy baby girl.  She is measuring right on track.  She showed all of the necessary parts that they needed to measure but she was shy about showing her face.  She kept her hands in front of her face, no matter how much we tried to get her to move.  The tech and doctor who reviewed the scans do not believe that she has a cleft lip but they say they cannot be 100% sure.  In some shots it looked as if she does not have a cleft but in others it appeared possible.  We attempted to see our girl again with a visit to Womb with a View.  Two separate ultrasounds in one day there resulted in similar results.  Baby girl hid her face with her feet, legs, umbilical cord and then her hands.  She curled up and nuzzled her face into the placenta to sleep.  Again, in some photos it appears that everything is as it should be, while other glimpses appear that she could possibly have a unilateral, incomplete cleft lip. 

We're not sure what to do at this point.  Both Matt and I left the appointment yesterday feeling deflated and disappointed.  We wish we knew if it was something to worry about or not.  We both just want to know.  I want to know if I need to worry about the challenges a cleft lip can bring to nursing.  It brings me to tears to think about the pain teasing children can cause and how scary surgeries can be.  I don't want my girl to have to endure those.  We worried about what they couldn't see during ultrasounds with Ethan and follow up scans showed everything was fine.  I hope we'll have the same results with this little one.  In my heart though, I know, that no matter what, cleft lip or not, we will survive.  I know that it could be worse.  The most important part is that she is healthy and we already love her.

We may go back and try to see her face again or we may just wait until the day of her birth.  The day we meet her.

She is an active little one.  She kicks quickly and often.  Matt finally felt her kick for the first time last week!  It was just as exciting as the first time he felt Ethan kick.  We are really enjoying this process all over again, just like it was the first time :)

My 2nd pregnancy

I should start apologizing to baby #2 already.  I'm 18 weeks along nearly half way through (this post has been in drafts for a while) and I haven't posted anything about this pregnancy.

The first thing that comes to mind is how different it has been from my pregnancy with Ethan.  I'll be honest and say that it's been more difficult.  Having a toddler to take care of, weaning and worrying about his nutrition, a house to sell, searching for a house to buy, work, family, friends, and all the miscellaneous in between are all balls that I've tried to juggle at once while worn out and sick from this pregnancy.  Several of those balls have been dropped a time or two or ten.  Thank God for my wonderful husband who is there to pick up those dropped balls and me.  He has taken on more than ever over the past few months.

Morning sickness ... that term is a joke.  This time around it was more like the worst hangover you've ever had, 24/7, and for added suffering throw in a stomach virus on top it every evening.  It started earlier this time and lasted much longer.  With my first I felt much better by 11-12 weeks.  This time I was still suffering from constant nausea at 16 weeks. 

Matt was working until 6 and 7pm during the first few weeks and I didn't think I was going to make it.  I do believe there were evenings that I called him in tears telling him that I didn't think I could do it.  And by it, I mean simple things like sit on the floor and play with Ethan or feed him dinner.  There were some nights that I was so exhausted, I fell asleep while cuddling with Ethan before 7pm.  Matt will joke about this but there seriously were nights when I went straight to sleep after putting Ethan to bed at 8:15pm.  I dealt with the sickness and exhaustion during my 1st trimester with Ethan too but both were more intense this time.  The "tricks" and "cures" that worked during my first pregnancy were not as miraculous this time around.  What worked one day seemed to make me feel worse the next.

Morning sickness gave way to headaches, which gave way to acid reflux - ALREADY!  I didn't experience acid reflux with Ethan until I was more than 30 weeks pregnant.  With this baby it started at 18.5 weeks. 

Some will guess that my symptoms point to the possibility of this baby being a girl.  Others will say that I experienced all of this because it gets more difficult with each pregnancy.  Either way, I'm surviving but I'm probably complaining a lot more. 

I'm anxious for my 20 wk ultra sound and to know if the baby has a cleft lip or not.  Now if they could only tell whether or not the baby will have allergies or intolerances by looking at the ultra sound!  If that were the case, I might be more prepared.  I think about these things every day.  I worry.  I wonder.  But I know whatever is meant to be will be.  It has already been decided and we will work through whatever challenges we are given.

I started showing earlier and gained weight more quickly with baby #2.  When I found out I was pregnant I was about 20lbs below my 2008 pre-pregnancy weight.  In 2008, I had put on weight during infertility treatments and this time I was down below what I weighed in college due to the allergen free diet.  The weight has been coming on quickly... I'm sure it is because I CAN EAT nearly everything again.  I don't think I gained any weight with my first pregnancy until I was closer to 20 weeks.  This time I put on 15lbs by 18 weeks.   

I started feeling the baby move much earlier.  I was shocked when I started feeling movement around 14 weeks!  I can feel the baby move by putting my hand on my stomach too, but the baby moves so quickly and doesn't kick in the same place twice so Matt hasn't felt any movement yet.

My food aversions are different this time.  With Ethan, I couldn't stand even the thought of chicken.  With this baby I love chicken and can not stand beef.  I also can't handle the smell of potatoes ... even french fries make me want to gag.  I haven't had any long term cravings.  With my first pregnancy I wanted to eat Mexican food all the time.  My cravings change nearly every day.  


There are some similarities...  At 19 weeks, 3 days, I think the shape of my belly is the same.  Who knows if that will change or if it means anything at all, but I look the same as I did when I was this far along with Ethan.  My skin is just as sensitive as it was when I was pregnant with Ethan.  I sunburn pretty easily and the burn stays red forever instead of tanning fairly quickly.  I have bouts of being overly emotional just like I did when I was pregnant with Ethan.  A simple thought or song can send me into tears.

Conceiving without treatments...  Some of my PCOS symptoms had returned in Dec 2009.  Then suddenly, for the first time, maybe ever, I had signs of ovulation in March or April 2010 (it was a long cycle so I can't remember exactly when).  I have seen a couple of doctors and midwives who have agreed that continuing to breastfeed Ethan could very well be the reason why I was able to ovulate on my own.  It could have been just the right amount of nursing (I had cut out night time nursing) that allowed my body to balance out some hormones.  We'll never know if that is the reason we were able to conceive this child without infertility treatments but it may have helped! 


I'm halfway through the pregnancy and it still feels surreal.  Matt and I talk often about how we can't believe how blessed we are, how we can't believe another baby is coming!  Although we were hoping and planning to have another, we didn't think that we would go through infertility treatments again... for several reasons, including the fact that I was still nursing, the financial aspect, the stress of it all, and the logistics... we had Ethan and couldn't just take off to the fertility clinic at 7am several days a week.  We had talked about the possibility of Ethan being an only child and although it wasn't what we had planned and hoped for, we talked about how if that were the case, we would have accepted that our family of 3 was what we were meant to be.  Ethan is an incredible blessing and we are thankful for him.  This new baby is a wonderful addition to our blessings and he/she isn't even here yet! 

Peace of mind

I have been stressed about our ultra sound results. I felt more confident about our baby's heart because the doctor seemed more confident about the report when she called to follow up after my last appt. I'm still concerned about it but the OB made it seem like it's fine. However, she sounded more unsure about not seeing his hands. I was losing sleep over this.

After telling my aunt about the results she generously offered to pay for an additional ultra sound at Womb With a View. We are scheduled to have another ultra sound (to remeasure his heart) at my OB's office in a few weeks but my aunt didn't want us to stress over the uncertainty of his hands for weeks. We took her up on her offer. I called and was able to get an appt at Womb With a View that same day! We went in the evening, which is when the baby seems to be more active. My mother-in-law and her husband came along with us. I think they were amazed to see the baby in such detail too.

I can't even express how happy I am that we had this additional ultra sound. We knew the lady at Womb With a View wouldn't be able to tell us if his heart was measuring correctly but we were hoping to see his hands. And we DID! Perfect little hands!! The lady there was extremely kind. She showed us everything in 3D and 4D even though we only paid for the 2D. We were able to see so much ... his hands, fingers, feet, toes, boy parts to confirm that he IS a BOY, his little tushy, and hair on his head!! He had his hands in front of his face so we didn't get to see those details but we got to see more than what we went there for. Towards the end he started sucking on his hands and seemed to go to sleep. It was so amazing to see his mouth moving!

I shared with the woman that we were initially concerned that he had a cleft lip because I did, but now at this point, a cleft lip seems so unimportant. She shared that her daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate 9 years ago. Her daughter even had the SAME surgeon that I did for one of my surgeries! I saw her beautiful daughter and you would NEVER know that she was born with a cleft lip and palate. It took 3 surgeries to correct hers. I had 7 surgeries and mine was not as severe as hers b/c I did not have a cleft palate. They have come a long way with these procedures since I was born. Hearing her story was an additional comfort for me.

I found myself crying the next day just thinking about our experience so far. I don't think I've ever been this happy in my life. I keep thinking about our life as a family of 3...what we went through to conceive him and what we'll go through together in the future with him.

Here are some pictures from our ultra sound at Womb With a View... I can't rave enough about how great our experience was there!!
The pics didn't scan as well as they look in person.


His profile

HANDS & FINGERS!! YAY!!

This is looking towards his back and right side. You can see his hand up near his mouth.

This is his left side. You can see his elbow, little tushy on the bottom right, his leg and foot!!
We have more pics ... even some 3D ones of his little boy parts too... I guess she wanted us to be sure that he was a boy :)

Lots of updates

I'm a slacker. It's been too long.

First ... It's a ...

BOY!

Most importantly, from what they could tell, a HEALTHY baby boy! We've known since 9/3/08 and I'm still in awe that I have a baby boy growing inside of me. Before the ultra sound I was having dreams that we had a little boy without legs. I could see him pulling himself up our stairs. It was so real and it worried me. The ultra sound revealed that he has 2 legs. What a relief! We also learned that he does NOT have a cleft lip!! YAY! Birth defects or not, we will love him unconditionally but no one wants to see their child suffer. I remember the endless teasing about my lip because kids just don't understand and can be mean!

I had my OB appt the following week where she reviewed the results of our ultra sound. Unfortunately, he was in an odd position & was apparently too comfy to move so the sonographer couldn't get all of the measurements of the heart that they need. The doctor doesn't seem too concerned with this because the 4 ventricles of his heart were seen, there are no problems with his heart rate, and what was seen of his heart looked normal. I'm still a little concerned. What also concerns me is that we didn't see his hands, which was also noted in the ultra sound report. Of course after the ultra sound I started having dreams about him not having any hands! We go back for another 3D/4D ultra sound in 3 weeks. I keep praying that he is healthy and has all body parts.

I am excited that we'll get to see him again before his birth. It was so cool. They have a flat screen tv hooked up above so you just lie back and watch in amazement.

Matt was so excited to hear "It's a boy" that he jumped up out of the chair next to me!! It was a great moment. On the way to the ultra sound he said "Well, I'm 60/40". When I asked him what he meant, he responded that he was 60% hoping for a boy and 40% hoping for a girl. I told him that I thought the odds were in his favor because I felt like it was a boy. Once we got back into the car after the ultra sound we kept saying "I can't believe that we're going to have a son!". I already feel an additional bond to this baby since we found out that "it" is a "he". Funny how just knowing what the sex is has increased that bond for me. I think it's because I can start picturing our life with our little boy. I know that I'd feel the same way if we were having a daughter too.

We took the day of our big u/s off of work and I'm so glad that we did. Matt's mother and her husband were in town for the day so we met them to reveal if it was a boy or a girl. This is how we told them:

I think she was surprised to find out that she'll have a 5th grandson (no granddaughters yet... maybe someday)!

After that Matt and I spent the rest of the day shopping, planning, registering, and talking about what will come. It was the best day!

So happy to be expecting our baby boy:

Growth

It's been a while since I've kept up with posting (thanks for the reminder girls!).
I thought I'd add some pics to document my expanding belly :)

Here I am at 6 weeks

10 weeks

12 weeks

15 weeks and in maternity pants!

16 weeks at a Counting Crows concert. I don't think I look that big in person but the white ribbed tank accentuates the belly :)
And yes, we noticed that we have similar outfits on! We should really check to see what each other has packed before leaving for a weekend.


I had another OB appt yesterday. All is still well as far as we know. The doctor was surprised at how high my uterus is already. I didn't ask if that was good or bad but she didn't seem concerned so I'm not either. The baby's heart rate is still 160 bpm.

Only 3 weeks until we find out if Baby V is a girl or boy! We'll have a 4D ultra sound in the beginning of September. We are fortunate that our doctor's office offers 4D & that insurance will cover it. Unfortunately, I was born with a cleft lip so I'm nervous to find out if the baby has one too. We should be able to tell with the 4D u/s. I'd like to know before the birth so that if needed, I can be prepared to learn about any possible feeding issues and to contact a surgeon. I had 7 surgeries on my lip throughout my life. The advances since my procedures will hopefully allow for fewer re-constructive surgeries if our baby has a cleft lip too. I'm praying that it won't be necessary!