Some articles I've wanted to post about

This first article is actually a blog post about the World's first infertility postage stamp! I wish the US had one. Here is my favorite part of the article where it describes the stamps image:

"The stamp issued by Portugal is beautifully designed and conveys the hopes of infertile couples with its imagery. The stamp shows a stylized silhouette image of a man and woman embracing a child. The image of the child is almost ghost-like in appearance, symbolizing the hope for the child, yet at the same time highlighting the fragility of conception for infertile couples."


I'm fascinated with this next article. I found it posted about on an after infertility message board that I frequent. Here is the headline so you can decide if you want to check it out or not. Warning, there are some pictures of the actual ovulation! If you don't want to see a picture of an ovary, follicle, and egg, then don't look.

Ovulation moment caught on camera

A human egg has been filmed in close-up emerging from the ovary for the first time, captured by chance during a routine operation.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7447942.stm

It is amazing & not at all what I had pictured. During treatments we saw my follicles on the ultra sound monitor but they just looked like little black blobs/holes on there. I was amazed to see what mine probably looked like in real life.

I emailed the article to Matt and it took him a couple days to get to it it b/c he couldn't get over the pictures. When he finally read it he responded "AMAZING, but GROSS!"
LOL!

Family wedding/Vacation in NY

I've already posted on my usual message board about this so if you're from there & reading this, hello & sorry for the repeat. I wanted to have the memories posted here too.

Pictures from our vacation:
The VERY rustic cabin that Matt & I stayed in for 3 nights. It was an adventure that grew on us.

We had a roommate mouse stay with us (part of the adventure). Unfortunately, he ate THROUGH the unopened bag of Doritos. I was craving those for days so I was not happy about it.

Despite our rustic accommodations, it was a BEAUTIFUL vacation (and to be honest, anywhere with Matt is fun b/c no matter what happens, he finds a way to make me laugh about it). We fell asleep to the sound of this waterfall outside our cabin (while listening for the sound of the mouse).

Us on the deck of the Stonecat Cafe, overlooking a vineyard & garden. We had a delicious lunch there!!

One of my FAVORITE pictures from the 3 days spent near Seneca Lake.

A family friend's home where we celebrated 4th of July. The owners designed this amazing house.

We climbed through a state park in Watkin's Glen, NY one day. I say climbed because it was about 350 steps & incredible views.

Our main reason for this vacation was to celebrate a great aunt's wedding. Here is where she and her husband were married & some other views of the vineyard/winery.


Then we drove to Bolton Landing, NY to stay for a few more days.

where we enjoyed some time on Lake George

At the weeks end we were ready to come home to our girls (our cats). How cute are they with their heads popping up from behind the sofa?

My abandoned blog

Yikes, it's been a while. Anyone still checking in? We were away on a family vacation at the beginning of July and I looked forward to blogging about it, but then got caught up with work, life, etc.

First, I'll say, I can't believe it but I'm 13.5 weeks pregnant!! Time is flying by. While on vacation my morning (all day) sickness started to ease up (fantastic!), but then I came home with a stomach bug so I was down and out for days. Now I'm feeling MUCH better and am only sick at night. Nights are not fun but I can't stress enough how much better it is to feel non-pukey during the day. With my renewed sense of feeling healthy, I realized that it was time to put some focus on WORK. I'm starting to feel caught up and decided to come back here.

Two things that I've experienced and find funny about pregnancy:
1) There was a day when I was so tired, I didn't think I could make the short walk across the parking lot to our office building. I seriously contemplated lying down on the hot, blacktop, parking lot to catch some rest.
2) I've never really been passionate about food. Yes, I like to eat and I like to try new recipes, but I can be considered a picky eater and stick to my regulars. Well, pregnancy has brought out a new LOVE for food. I'm still thinking about these AMAZING Mexican egg rolls that I ferociously consumed while on vacation. Matt laughed over how passionately I spoke about them. They were one of the best parts about our trip.

We had our first OB appt and it was one of the most memorable days of my life. We heard the baby's heart beat!! WOW, it was awesome. I felt like I had waited so long to hear that. Last year, when I was waiting to meet with my former obgyn, to talk with her about what could possibly be wrong with my reproductive system, I heard an unborn baby's heart beat across the hall. I remember feeling alone & empty. I wondered if I'd ever be where I am now. I remember that pain still, but hearing the sound of our baby's heart filled me with so much joy. It feels like the healing part of our journey.

We tried to get a video recording of that appointment but I think Matt was so excited that he accidentally hit the record button too many times. We only have the moment before we heard it. No worries though, I put an order in to rent a doppler so that we can hear it at home!

I think that appointment made this much more of a reality for Matt. He commented several times that week "I can't believe I'm going to be someone's dad" or "I'm going to be a dad!". Makes me love him even more.

Stats/other updates:
-Baby's heart rate was 160 beats per minute! Matt, his mother, & one of his sisters think that it's a girl but I'm not convinced. I still think it's a boy but strangely refer to it as she/her when I'm not paying attention. Maybe I subconsciously think it's a girl?
-I haven't gained any weight yet (surprising considering I'm still eating about every 3 hours) but I am growing!! My belly is getting bigger. I can barely button a few pairs of capri pants which fit fine just a few weeks ago. I wore my first pair of maternity pants (just an elastic waistband kind). Not that they were necessary to wear yet but I figured that they fit & were comfortable, so why not!
-Matt still refers to the baby as Eddie. He protests that it is NOT after Eddie Vedder. He's saying that he just really thinks the name Eddie is cool. I've promised him that we'll name our first dog Eddie. I'll let the secret out though... Eddie is growing on me but it doesn't trump ANY of the other boy names on our list.

Pearl Jam weekend

What a great time! It always is when we get together with friends but this was exceptional for us because of pregnancy announcements & Pearl Jam.

We found out that our close friends J&J are due with their first baby just 2 days before we are!! We are thrilled for them & couldn't ask for better friends to go through this experience with.

The guys headed to the concert on Thursday while J & I sat around, ate, compared notes on pregnancy so far, and what is yet to come. It was perfect. Thanks for a great time!

Friday we relaxed before heading into Camden for the Friday show. J decided that she wasn't feeling up to going to the concert (she's suffering with morning sickness too). I packed food in my cooler and market basket (thanks Jen for such a great bday gift. I love it). I survived tailgating & the concert by snacking OFTEN. I was relieved that I felt well enough to really enjoy the event. I thought that maybe I was getting past the sickness stage. It was a fortunate break but I ended up spending the next 2 days in bed recovering.

It was fun to finally share our news with this group of friends. Matt made our announcement shortly after we set up our tailgate. Then followed the announcement about J&J's exciting news. A great moment!

The show was phenomenal. Unfortunately for me, they played Black (I chose this youtube video not for the sound quality, but b/c it's so close up and you can see how passionate the performance is) on Friday and Sunday but not on Thursday. There were a few other songs I would have liked to hear that they played on the other nights, but overall it was a great experience.

Matt has admitted that next time he'll probably just go to 2 shows instead of 3. He had a fun time at the DC show on Sunday too, but it took him until midway through the week to recover. A sign that we're getting old? He also enjoyed a visit with Jeremy while in DC. (Jeremy, we miss you, come visit soon).

Some pics from our weekend:
Note to self: Take the time to put on some self tanner. Blah!

The water is mine, not the beer.

Part of our tailgate

I have lots of other funny pics but I'm not sure our friends would be OK with me posting them online.

While on the topic of Pearl Jam, below is a quote from Eddie Vedder about the song Daughter (youtube video from the Friday show).

Warning: Foul language.

Lyrical Meaning
Eddie Vedder about "Daughter":

"The child in that song obviously has a learning difficulty. And it's only in the last few years that they've actually been able to diagnose these learning disabilities that before were looked at as misbehavior, as just outright fucking rebelliousness. But no one knew what it was. And these kids, because they seemed unable or reluctant to learn, they'd end up getting the shit beaten outta them. The song ends, you know, with this idea of the shades going down--so that the neighbors can't see what happens next. What hurts about shit like that is that it ends up defining peoples' lives. They have to live with that abuse for the rest of their lives. Good, creative people are just fucking destroyed."

Glad to see Eddie is passionate about stopping child abuse too.

Playing catch up

It's been too long since I've added a post here. We have had a lot going on.

First, so far so good with the pregnancy. I'm still struggling with feeling sick all day but eating often is continuing to help. I fear that I'm going to gain too much weight but at this point it's about surviving the day, so I eat. I had my intake appt with the nurse at the OB's office and I hadn't gained any weight as of 6/16. My next appointment, where we hope to hear the baby's heartbeat, is 7/14. I am so anxious for that.

Some cravings ...
One night I was craving fruit punch like you wouldn't believe. We spent most of that weekend glued to our TV watching the US Open. There were 2 holes left and I convinced Matt to run out for fruit punch. After complaining that he had spent all weekend watching the Open only to possibly miss the final 2 holes, we made a deal. I would put my laundry away if he ran out for my fruit punch. It took less than 10 minutes for him to run to the nearest convenient store and he didn't miss a thing. I'm now realizing that I didn't even have to make a deal ... we have a pause button! Duh. Oh well, we both got what we wanted :)

Another night I craved a real hamburger (vs. my usual turkey burger) with A1 sauce. So strange!

Most recently, while in the grocery store, I passed by a jar of pickles and remember seeing commercials for a really crunchy pickle. I had to have them.

We celebrated my 28th birthday on 6/17. It was probably my happiest yet. I am incredibly thankful for where we are in our lives. On that day Matt emailed me a list of the top 28 reasons why he loves me. I have to say that it might be some of his sweetest and funniest work ever.

That weekend we traveled to the Philly area to visit friends and for the Pearl Jam concerts!! Another post about that weekend coming soon...

We SAW the heartbeat!!

Who knew that one tiny, consistent, flicker on an ultra sound monitor could make us so happy? It was AMAZING! The RE tried to hear it with the ultra sound machine but it was just too early. I cannot wait for the day when we get to hear that sound.

The baby is measuring right on track so far (Thank God) and we GRADUATE to an OB! It was a little bittersweet to say goodbye to the doctors and nurses at the RE's office, who have helped us so much, but it is exciting to move on.

My next appointment is an intake appt with a nurse at the OB's office next week.

I'm still feeling sick everyday but continuing to find things that help me get through the day. Now I just have to convince Matt that we aren't naming the baby Eddie after Eddie Vedder :) For the past couple of weeks Matt has been referring to the baby as Eddie. He isn't serious in considering this as a name for our child (at least that is what he's leading me to believe). We've agreed to name a family dog Eddie at some point in our future (any friends remember when we considered adopting "Eddie the toothless wonder"?).

We'll be seeing his hero, Eddie V, soon enough. We're taking a long weekend next week so Matt can go to THREE Pearl Jam shows. I'll be attending just one with him and about 10 of our friends. We're both really looking forward to it. Matt is excited to use that event to be the day we share our news with these friends. He's already plotting how he'll make the announcement.

I have been enjoying watching Matt become even more interested in learning about pregnancy. Yesterday he emailed me an article about morning sickness remedies. He's been Googling 'expecting a baby' and reading articles. Too cute!

Photo from our 2nd u/s... There wasn't much to see in the 1st u/s photo because the baby was so small. In this one you can see the baby on the right side of what Matt calls the black hole (a.k.a the gestational sac). So exciting!!!

2nd ultra sound is tomorrow!!

I'm.freaking.out.
Symptoms or no symptoms, I still worry. I worry that after waiting so long and going through what we did to get pregnant, we'll lose this baby. I try to let go of that worry and fear but deep down, it's still there and it's freaking me out at the moment.

We have our 2nd ultra sound tomorrow and I'm praying to see our baby's healthy heartbeat.

Matt always has a way of making things better/easier...
He just wrote me an email. He wrote about how much he is looking forward to tomorrow & about how he misses our "coffee & car rides together in the morning". We spent so many mornings, coffee in hand, sitting in traffic on our way to the hospital/RE's office. There were days where we were nervously silent almost the whole ride ... wishing the traffic out of they way so we could get to our ultra sound and see if my follicle(s) grew. Looking back, those car rides together were nice. I'm really thankful that he was able to go to those appointments with me where we were able to hold each others hands and keep each other positive. I'm sure he doesn't miss the other parts of infertility/treatments (or who knows, maybe he enjoyed giving me those shots in my belly?). I know he doesn't miss the heart ache and disappointment. I don't think either of us will ever forget what we went through, but I believe the struggles have made us even more thankful for this pregnancy than we may have been had we not gone through them.

This makes me think of something that I have seen posted on message boards & other blogs. Each time I've read it posted, the different ladies posting it have noted that the author doesn't mean she'll be a better mother than other mothers. It means that she'll be a better mother than she would have been if she had not endured.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother."

-Unknown